Often a person with his evaluative position divides other people into good and bad, forgetting that the concepts of "good" and "bad" are purely subjective, this is a relative concept. There is a perception of a person because of his bad deeds, which others evaluate as bad deeds, since these actions are on the scale of their value system as bad. If we evaluate the people around us as bad, then we ourselves deserve precisely this assessment. Just before we understand why he turned out to be bad for us, what kind of his qualities made him bad for us? These are the very qualities that we have in ourselves. Well, if there are a lot around good people in our opinion, for others - sometimes they can be bad, then this is a direct indicator of our mental balance. The world sends us "good" and "bad" for a reason. Many things happen in our life. And they are all different - joyful and inspiring us to new deeds and achievements, or sad and sad, leading us to apathy and despondency.

We live in a world where everyone judges each other and I am no exception. I also judge and get upset because of the bad deeds of other people, calling them bad. But there comes a time of silence, when I start to think and it becomes sad that I did not try to justify the other. Each situation, each case eloquently tells us a lot, namely, about what is happening to us at one or another moment of our life, what is happening here and now, at this moment of our long or short life, the duration of which directly depends on us. Only we rarely listen to such prompts of life when we do not like what is happening to us and leave everything as it is, without changing anything.

What do we do most often? We begin to blame others, curse what happened to us, scold the case. So what? - you can say. Nothing, just all this time we are moving away from ourselves. Only one who understands the fact that when you leave yourself you constantly return to yourself, is able to realize many things that are happening in his life. We all like joyful and pleasant moments of life. This is understandable, moments of joy and happiness tell us that our soul is in complete balance with the world. The world tells us in these moments that we are who we really are and gives us spiritual harmony. But as soon as we are not aware of something, the Universe starts sending us accidents that are not accidental, which let us know that we are doing something wrong. But we do not hear the voice from above, we do not want to hear it and close ourselves. Thus, closing your thinking and, accordingly, yourself. This is typical of a person in critical situations. And you need to get away from it!

Otherwise, what do we have? We have a heaviness on the soul, which eventually passes, as it seems to us. But this is an illusion. Heaviness remains and, moreover, over time it turns into a heavy burden that we can carry all our lives. And where will she go? After all, the owner of this burden does not try to throw it off, but continues to make it harder with his negative thoughts directed to a person, for example, who, to put it mildly, does not like.

For example, for my children, I am the most best mom in the world. If they lose me, then their loss will be commensurate with the loss of the most that can be lost. For my enemies, I am a bad person, since my actions are evaluated by them as unacceptable by good people.

Are enemies bad? Why bad? They are people who are the best for their loved ones. Those close to them know their heart and perhaps understand their intentions. They accept them for who they are.

We ourselves create our own world, forming our own worldview, and based on this, we ourselves attract situations and people who become our teachers.
Our teachers, that is, the teachers in our lives, are the ones who teach us life lessons that we do our best to avoid. But everything in the universe is interconnected. And just from what (or whom) we run away, we get it.
Do we not like some of his qualities in a person or is his behavior annoying? And what, in fact, clings? And what catches, then we are looking for in ourselves. How else? After all, only what is in us is very catchy. If we remain calm when interacting with a person, then everything is in order with our thinking.

In every person there is a set of certain qualities, good and bad. The prevalence of one over the other is possible and determines how bad or good a person is... A person differs from other forms of existence not by the presence of reason, but by the ability to control it, as well as by the qualities that correspond to the nature of his heart. What is the essence of this nature? The rhythm of the heart sets a certain rhythm of activity, which, in turn, allows a person to be filled with various forms of life and thus feel life. That's the whole difference: a person is a being capable of controlling himself. What is the charm of being a man, if not in the ability to be one? There is no skill - there is also no human.

Now many people understand this, but there are those who do not accept, justifying themselves. Of course, we should not consider the behavior of a person who annoys us as a complete copy of us, but only what “hooked” us. And this may not lie at all on the surface, but deep inside us, these are our hidden feelings and thoughts, which we are afraid to admit even to ourselves. And to sort out and get rid of inner fear, we are given a chance, "thrown" us the right teacher. And what are we doing? We run away from this case, afraid to look into ourselves, talk to our heart, look at ourselves from the outside and are afraid of our own exposure. And nothing changes. And yet, nothing just happens. Problems and sores do not just appear with us.

I think no, you can't be good to everyone all the time. Why? There are no clear criteria, but what, in fact, is included in the concept of "good"? Mind, honor and conscience? Not enough. Presence of decency? Lack of meanness? I would like it to be so. If there are any universal human qualities that characterize good people, then, in my opinion, they are too relative for different eras, systems and morals.

Now many do not care if he is a good person or not. I can’t say what qualities define a “good” person, but I know for sure that the one who is next to me good man; the one with whom I can talk for hours about everything in the world, a good person; the one who will never push away or betray is a good person; the one who is on the other side of the monitor, being far away, is ready to help at least by holding his hand, a good person. For me, a good person is one who can not only take, but also give. Able to feel. And most importantly, able to love! A good person respects people and sees them for who they really are. It seems to me impossible to be good for everyone. How many people, so many opinions. These qualities are enough for me.

In my opinion, just as there is no absolute good, there is also no good person for everyone. As they say, good for a German, death for a Russian. What is good for one is bad for another. Isn't your "evil" that you hide, or maybe you don't even know about it yourself, will cause even more evil. The fact is that you, of course, consider yourself a good person, because you know all the reasons, motives why you act the way you do. Knowing the truth, you justify yourself.
In order not to really harm people, you need to be very careful and constantly sharpened on others. Because there are people around you, and everyone has something sick inside. Complexes, old grievances, problems with loved ones. And even indifference, we can cause harm and pain. In our hardened world, this has become more difficult, but possible. I believe in it no matter what. Maybe I'm an idealist. A person who kicks a child or hits an old man I will never consider good, no matter how many millions he donates to orphanages or nursing homes. I will never consider a thief and a rapist to be good either. And no one will convince me that the formula of relativity is applicable to good and evil, no matter how sophisticated they try to prove it to me and no matter how many minuses they give me.

The Bible - a book that is recognized by billions as a set of rules that a person needs to do, says: "Do not judge." Do you know why? Do not judge, because, firstly, you do not know the real reasons and the real perpetrators of the actions, and secondly, because they themselves are not much better than those who act this way.

Don't judge other people, don't label them as bad. There are no bad people. There are reasons that led to bad deeds. But if you did this bad deed, you would surely be able to justify yourself, try to do the same in relation to another person.
Perhaps it will be easier not to judge other people if we understand that everything good or bad that is in our life, we have attracted to ourselves - like a magnet.

When we get angry and annoyed with another, we take out these feelings on ourselves. It's like pouring a bucket of slop on yourself. The only difference is that all this dirt, with the inability to interact with others, and therefore with ourselves, ends up in our soul, settles and accumulates. And if we continue to continue in the same spirit, then we simply will not get out of this garbage dump.

Here is a vivid example of "accidents" and teachers that we meet in our lives every day. I often hear conversations like this. One person says to another: “We have such evil people. Always snapping, grumbling. Wherever I go, be sure to quarrel with anyone. And the other replies: “You know, I didn’t notice. Everyone always smiles at me. And no matter how I go to the store, the sales girls are so friendly, they will tell and show everything and always offer only high-quality goods. Such smiling faces all around.

And these conversations are heard by us not by chance. They just tell us that you can look at the world in completely different ways. And how exactly, it is up to us, or rather, each of us.

As soon as our goal is aimed at changing ourselves, and not another person, as soon as we learn to manage the situation that we have created, and not follow its lead, as soon as we learn to listen to the signs that periodically send us the right people in situations that are necessary for us, so immediately the wheel of fortune will turn to you.

And in the event that life throws up an unpleasant situation or a “difficult” person, we will learn to thank the Universe for giving us hints on the path to perfection and sending wonderful teachers with the help of which we can change ourselves and change our lives for the better. ! Our enemies are the best teachers!

Let's remember that everything in our life does not happen by chance, that accidents are not accidental!

Hello! A good friend of mine committed suicide. Recently, he had a complete crisis: both in his personal life, and in work, and in general mood. Our and personally my fault is also here - we didn’t see it - but I would like to ask not about this. We came to the temple at the cemetery, because it is customary to bury the dead. And the priest said: not only are suicides not buried, they are also buried outside the cemetery. But before that, when we went to talk with him, I saw several rich graves with large crosses. From the inscriptions, I realized that “brothers” were buried here.

What happens? This means that bandits who rob, kill, torture people can be honorably buried and buried. But a good person who did nothing bad to anyone, just got confused in life and cut off at once, is it impossible? And his grave is even thrown out of the cemetery fence! It angered me. Why such an unfair double standard? And how does all this fit in with the words “Judge not, lest you be judged”? Maybe it's all about how much to pay a churchman? That is, one is forgiven everything for money, while others are convicted, they are not even considered people. Where does the clergy get such cruelty? ..

I still leave out what I heard from my relatives. My cousins ​​died in the war. And when my grandmother wanted to sing them in absentia in the church, the priest began to deny that it was necessary to know for sure whether a person was baptized, whether he was an atheist, whether he was definitely dead, documents were needed ... And in general, he advised her to apply almost to the Patriarchate. Grandma, of course, was confused. She does not know such details, it was an atheistic time, and not all the necessary documents have been preserved. And what should she do now, beat the thresholds of the Patriarchate? Or just that churchman saw that a poor old woman had come, and if a rich businessman turned to him, they would have buried in absentia everyone who was needed and not needed?

So it turns out, gentlemen, clergymen, that everything depends on money for you. If you are well paid, you will do everything for the "spiritual service of the population." Personally, I strongly doubt that with such a prudent approach, you sincerely pray for the dead and generally believe that there is some kind of afterlife. At least, your behavior does not indicate this at all.

Dmitry, Moscow

The letter is answered by priest Igor FOMIN, cleric of the Church of the Icon of the Mother of God of Kazan on Red Square and the Church of St. Innocent of Moscow in Rakitki at the cemetery

Dear Dmitry! I would like to clarify those moments that angered you, since I myself serve in the cemetery church. What is a rite of passage? It is not a Sacrament of the Church. It is more like a farewell to the deceased in eternal life, the prayerful standing for him of relatives, friends and even people unknown to him, who just went into the temple at that moment - in front of him very important event. Before the trials, after which he will give his answer to God, how he lived his life.

You ask why suicides are not buried and buried outside the cemetery, why are they worse than others? The person himself, perhaps, is no worse and no better than others. But his deed... When a person kills himself, he throws to God His most precious gift - the life that was given to him, his talent, which he had to preserve and increase. When a person decides to do this, he does not rely on anyone, he is in complete despair. Such a person deliberately (if he is in his right mind) refuses life, from possible happiness, from the hope that there is a way out of the impasse into which he has fallen.

The death of any person is reflected in others, someone will surely cry about him, will mourn. But for a suicide, there is no one: neither relatives, nor relatives, nor friends, nor God himself. He does not think what pain he will cause them with his terrible departure. Otherwise, he would never have done this - because there is no way back from the next world. Even a murderer can sincerely repent of his sins, he is still alive. A suicide is not. He has already decided everything for God, he has chosen death.

For suicides, special places have been allocated near the cemetery, because they themselves refused to communicate with God, and the funeral prayer of the priest at the cemetery may not be pleasant for them. Why captivate their souls? God has given every person freedom. Relatives of those who committed suicide can pray for them at home and give alms in their memory. When I make a speech to the relatives and friends of the deceased, I always tell them that the best memory of him is not an expensive monument and not a big feast where everyone gets drunk, but a change in one’s soul for the better, good deeds, helping others. It’s better not even to bring flowers to the grave, but to buy a can of canned food and give it to a poor old woman. And you will spend less money, and there will be more benefits. But still, the degree of solemnity of the funeral service depends on the financial capabilities of the relatives of the deceased - and it is not for us to judge them. It's their own business how much money they spend on funerals.

The Church also has a special relationship with the unbaptized. If we treat the funeral service as just seeing off the deceased on his last journey, then it does not matter whether he is baptized or not. But this is a church ceremony and it is performed only on members of the Church, this is natural. If a person has lived his whole life without thinking about God, about the meaning of his life so seriously as to go and be baptized (or maybe he was an ardent atheist in general), then you should not force him even after death. Here, as with suicides, we priests leave them the freedom of choice they made during their lifetime. Well, you did not believe in God - why do you need a funeral service? There is even a saying about hell: it exists out of God's love for people - He freed this place from His presence so as not to violate the free will of those who do not want to be with Him. Believing relatives often ask for their dead, and we pray, but not in church.

As for the bandits: since ancient times it has been forbidden to bury those who died at the scene of the robbery, saying modern language, “brothers went to dismantling” and there one of them was killed. Another thing is if a person leads a double life and its dark side has not been proven. It is customary for us to talk about the deceased either well, or nothing. In my memory, there are many cases when the priests refused to bury the dead in the "dismantling" of the bandits. One even lost everything, the “brothers” kicked him out of the church, beat him severely, he spent a long time in the hospital. Although before that the same people helped him restore the temple, they constantly donated money, everyone's conscience can wake up. But as soon as this father refused them ...

I also had a case when I refused to bury a murdered criminal. He was not baptized, and I explained in detail to his serious friends (in their group it was customary to wear all black, a distinctive sign), what, how and why. After all, they themselves also live according to very strict laws and “concepts” of their group. So they understood me, thanked me for my honesty and left, thank God, they didn’t do anything bad to me. By the way, I know bandits who sincerely repented of their sins, left their former lives, began to serve at churches. So the “brothers” are also different. And it is not for us to judge who is more sinful and who is less. Some people seem to be good, but under the guise of righteousness there are so many things hidden that even some thief is less sinful. What is a good person and what is a bad person? Whose side are we judging? And what right do we have to this? Do you know the saying “My wife is a real cobra,” said the boa constrictor? So let's not try to decide for ourselves: “You, Lord, move aside, I will quickly distribute everyone and destroy who goes to heaven and who goes to hell ...” Let's better leave God's judgment to God.

You are still talking about the funeral service in absentia for those who died in the war. It appeared in the Soviet years, when it was strictly forbidden to bury a believing deceased. And the priest, together with relatives and friends of the deceased, performed the ceremony after the funeral, secretly from the authorities. I think that in the 1930s and 1940s, when hundreds of thousands of believers perished, funerals were held in absentia often. And as for those who died in the war... Again, it matters whether a person was baptized and believed in God or was an ardent atheist - that is, whether he needs this rite. I spoke with many people before their death. Some of them respected the Church, but they wanted to die without Baptism, without confession and communion - this is their right.

If we do not know for sure about the deceased in the war, then doubts are usually resolved in favor of the funeral service. There is also such a tradition: if a person went missing and the funeral did not come, then it is better to perform the funeral 80 years after his birth, so that, God forbid, not to bury a living person. What if he survived somewhere, for example, lost his memory or settled after the war in another country? In defense of that priest who advised your grandmother to collect documents and so on, I can say that Lately in our country, many healers-fortune-tellers have divorced, and among their arsenal there is a method of inducing damage - an absentee funeral service for the living as dead. That is, the blasphemous use of a church rite. So we priests have to be careful.

But in general, with the funeral service in absentia, everything is not so difficult. You need to come to the temple, talk to the priest, explain the situation to him. If he agrees, then choose a day for the whole family to gather (for example, on the name day of one of the dead). The priest performs the ceremony and prays together with the relatives of the deceased.

And finally, about money. The funeral service is one of the requirements, as well as the consecration of the house, a prayer service, and so on. The name “requisition” appeared not because the priest demands money for his services, but because a person needs some kind of prayer from the priest, for example, to bless a car or perform a prayer service for a traveler. In theory, requests are made free of charge. Simply wealthy parishioners can thank the priest in this way. In one of the temples I saw the following announcement: “Due to the difficult financial position parishioners, all services are performed free of charge, with your donations.” That is, whoever wants as much as he can, he donates as much. The situation is especially disastrous today in the villages, where grandmothers can “pay” for candles in the temple with a jar of pickles. And the same grandmother behind the candle box, of course, will understand everything and “sell” the candles.

I know priests who came to the old women to take communion at home, instead of taking money from them (the old women stubbornly, as a token of gratitude, extended their last pennies), on the contrary, they helped them financially: they bought food, medicines (by the way, just for the donations of those parishioners who are better off). So we don’t put all the thanks for the needs in our pocket. We distribute among the poor, who are always in the parish: those with many children, the elderly, the disabled.

Therefore, do not ask to publish a price list for services, including funerals: it simply does not exist. As for your phrase that money says goodbye to the rich, I can say that you have confused the Orthodox Church with the Catholic. We do not have indulgences when sins are redeemed for money, because it is impossible to bargain with God “give it to you”. The Orthodox Church is not a store, not a firm, and even more so, not the last instance of “spiritual service to the population”, where insidious ritualists-money-lovers serve. Just like hell is not burning pans with sinners, and God is not a gray-haired grandfather sitting on a cloud. These are absolutely wrong ideas about the spiritual. Probably, this is also our fault, the priests - they did not find the time to talk, to explain something to the beginners and doubters. They did not find a common language with those who first came to the temple. For this, as a priest, I would like to ask for forgiveness both from you and from others whom we embarrassed, in any way turned away from the Church.

“To know for sure, I usually imagine a person as an apple, or rather, its three layers - peel, pulp and core - separately,” says Wait But Why blog author Tim Urban. This game helps to evaluate yourself and others.

The peel is the first impression of you. This is what everyone knows about you, from the barista who sold you coffee this morning to the unfamiliar colleague at work. How do you know what it tastes like to you? It is not difficult. Remember if you are polite with waiters, sellers, taxi drivers. Do people like you when you first meet? Will your unfamiliar colleagues call you friendly? If you answer “yes” to all these questions with confidence, then do not hesitate, your skin tastes quite good to itself.

Now let's dig deeper. Pulp. Friends, family, those who know you well, all deal with her. Do you often gossip? Do you judge people? Don't stand up for loved ones? Are you cowardly? Do you rejoice in the failures of your friends? Do you like to talk only about yourself? Can't keep secrets? Are you not paying back your debts? Do not mind lying from time to time? If so, then your pulp, alas, is no good.

Here we come to the core. You open it only to the very closest, some people do not show it to anyone at all. Test yourself: imagine that there is a button next to you that you can press, and then your cherished dream will come true. True, about 1000 random people will die at the same time in the world. But no one will ever know that you pressed it. Click? If your answer is "yes", your core is hopelessly damaged.

If we divide a person into peel, pulp and core, and call each of these three parts "bad" or "good", then eight types of people will be obtained. Let's see what these types are (we go from the peel to the core).

Good-good-good

Saints to the marrow of their bones, not losing faith even in notorious villains. Most often make friends among the "bad-good-good".

Advantages: Without such people, we would definitely be lost, and if we really need to trust someone, then only them, they will not let you down.

Flaws: With their arrival, the fun goes away, because what is fun is not always right.

Bad-good-good

When you first meet, they make a terrible impression, but dig a little deeper and you will discover their beautiful inner world. People like to hang out with such people of the “good-good-good” series.

Advantages: They hate hypocrisy and cowardice, they are extremely principled. People respect them and often choose them as their leaders.

Flaws: Some of them are not alien to star disease, because inside they are so wonderful, despite the outer shell.

good-bad-good

When they first meet, they seem adorable, but their friends, most of them the same "good-bad-good", know that this is far from being the case. "Good-bad-good" often suffer from low self-esteem.

Advantages: They are always fun to be around and their communication skills are top notch.

Flaws: They can be both hypocritical and cowardly, but, in general, they are harmless.

bad-bad-good

The list of those whom they offended is long, but their friends will always defend them fiercely. And they are mostly friends with people like them, or with “good-bad-good”, or with completely “bad”.

Advantages: Of course, they can be very unpleasant, but they have a good heart.

Flaws: They can be very unpleasant.

good-good-bad

Such people are very dangerous, at first they like them, win your trust and even love, and then ruthlessly break your hearts. They often converge with "good-good-good" and then very painfully diverge from them.

Advantages: Of course, their main goal is only their own success, but while they are moving towards this goal, they manage to do something good, such people often go into politics.

Flaws: They are manipulative and hurt those closest to them the most.

Bad-good-bad

This type of people is very rare. They are often deluded into thinking that their core is actually good.

Advantages: They often become successful in the criminal business. A bad skin produces the necessary intimidating effect, a good pulp helps to establish contacts, and a bad core allows you to go over the heads to your own goal.

Flaws A: They are really very bad.

Good-bad-bad

Everyone has fun with such a person, but only everyone knows that at the core he is complete trash.

Advantages: Excellent contenders for the role in Desperate Housewives.

Flaws: The most hypocritical of all presented.

bad-bad-bad

Here he is, the classic villain in all its glory. They do not understand people with a good core and despise bad people who try to appear good.

Advantages: They are not hypocrites, they are what they are, they make excellent stand-up artists, and also the leaders of the mafia.

Flaws: Here, I think, and so everything is clear.

According to Psychology