Doesn't make eye contact means he doesn't love. Why does a person not look into the eyes

Some people ask why a person does not make eye contact when talking. Sometimes there can be several reasons for this, the reception is completely different. Therefore, it is impossible to say that a person is lying or hiding something.

Reasons why a person does not make eye contact

Shyness or self-doubt;
If he wants to hide something, such as affection or love;
The insincerity of his feelings. On the contrary, he can hide something, that he is married, married or other acts;
Heavy look. People who are very powerful have an incredibly heavy gaze that pierces and is unpleasant to others. Cold, as if empty, embittered eyes, not everyone will like it;
Does not want to give information about himself, used to avoid answering, often lies;
No interest in the interlocutor, fatigue.

Other reasons:

When there's just nothing to say

Looking straight ahead imposes some obligations, such as answering honestly a question that has not yet been answered. I don't want to lie, but I can't tell the truth either. That is why a person hides his gaze and leaves the answer. There can be many reasons. And not always an open “honest” supposedly look says that a person is not lying. They just perfectly withstand the eye at point blank range. Such people are accustomed to, and their eyes are quite trained.

If shy and vulnerable

Do not pay special attention to this fact. Not everyone likes to be in a close environment, many are annoyed by the crowd, views from all sides. If one is confident in himself, then the other may be in constant turmoil. Therefore, you should not judge by the look and assume that since a person does not look into the eyes, it means that he is lying, in love or wants to deceive. Maybe he's just not sure of himself or doesn't want to show his weaknesses. People are different. Education, habits or temperament very often leave their mark.

How to make a person look into the eyes?

If a person does not look into the eyes, then you can try to look into them furtively. Call for a conversation interesting topic, intrigue, ask a difficult question and see the reaction. Many people are open at this time. You can look at his communication with other people. If a person does not look into the eyes constantly, perhaps he has such a character. May be stubborn or hide feelings. He cannot control himself all the time, so sooner or later he will be able to look into his eyes.

Not all people like to look directly at the interlocutor. Some people don't like looking straight at all. If a person avoids looking, it does not mean that he is hiding something or not finishing, maybe he just has such a style of communication. Most often, people who look away are shy, not self-confident. Also, some people do not look in the eyes if their parents, leaders are authoritarian, or they have a habit of obeying. It’s easier to lower your eyes and say “yes” to them than to hold your gaze.

Our brain receives information from the outside world through the five senses - sight, hearing, touch, smell and taste. Based on what information is most significant for a person, psychologists distinguish three main channels of perception: visual, associated with visual images; auditory, based on the perception of sounds; kinesthetic, based on muscle and skin sensations, taste and smell.

Each leading channel has its own system of ideas about the outside world: visual, auditory and kinesthetic.

The greatest amount of information comes, of course, through the organs of vision. However, it turns out that visual perception does not play the most important role in communication for all people. Remember what you pay attention to when talking to a person. The way he is dressed, the timbre of his voice and the intonation of speech, or are you most touched by the scent of clothes and the body of the interlocutor and the touch of his hand? What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you mention a boat trip? Blue water surface and bright green of palm trees on yellow sand? The roar of the surf and the shrill cries of seagulls? A breath of warm sea breeze and the salty smell of the sea? Depending on whether what information do you think is the most important, you can be attributed one of three types- visual, auditory or kinesthetic.

The presence of a leading perception channel does not mean that other channels are idle and do not matter. They work, but the information they provide is less meaningful than that received from the master channel.

Differences between auditory, visual and kinesthetic are manifested not only in the perception of information, but also in speech, manner of listening to the interlocutor and clothing.

At visuals usually a loud and confident voice, when talking they gesticulate, and in speech they include phrases related to vision (“apparently”, “it seems to me”, “in my opinion”, “my point of view”, “this is obvious”, “how do you are you looking at this?”, “it’s not clear to me what you mean”, “splurge”), verbs (“look”, “see”, “observe”) and adjectives (“clear”, “bright” , "beautiful" and denoting colors). These people primarily pay attention to external manifestations - clothing, room furnishings. They themselves prefer to dress brightly and conspicuously, for them it is more important appearance clothing than its functionality or convenience. Visuals have good visual memory. Artists, photographers, stylists and architects are all people with a pronounced leading visual channel of perception. It is the visuals who look into the eyes of the interlocutor during the conversation and demand the same from him. "What do you see as the solution to this problem?" - the catchphrase of the chiefs-visuals.

In contrast to them auditory- people with a calm melodic voice, often inclined to talk to themselves. When talking, they often tilt their heads to one side, as if listening. Their speech is dominated by words related to the ability to hear: “I heard”, “speak”, “clear rhythm”, “such speeches are music to my ears”, “complete harmony”, “it is not clear how a Chinese letter” - such turns characteristic of auditory speech. They pay great attention to the intonation, speech and voice of the interlocutor. It is auditory people who are offended by an arrogant or impolite tone more than other people. But if they are pleased with the partner's voice and his manner of speaking, they are likely to easily find a common language with him. When talking, the auditory people have a habit of looking away, as if turning their ear to the interlocutor. They are annoyed by noise, fake music and harsh sounds. With a good auditory memory, they easily remember verbal instructions. The professions of the most pronounced audials are composer, musician and translator. A favorite question of an auditory leader addressed to subordinates: “What do you say about this problem?”.

kinesthetics- These are people with a quiet, slow, and sometimes weak and uncertain voice. When talking, the gaze of the kinesthetic is directed downward and he always twists something in his hands - a pen, pencil or a button of a jacket. A kinesthetic person likes to touch the interlocutor during a conversation. He feels comfortable if there is support for the body, so he often stands leaning against a wall or a door frame, leaning on a table, or sits, “spreading” his body over a chair or armchair - the main thing is to be comfortable. His favorite words are "I feel", "touch the issue", "hold", " warm colors”,“ a pleasant conversationalist ”,“ a cozy atmosphere ”. In clothes for kinesthetics, the main thing is practicality and convenience, not beauty. He can walk around in the same shirt for weeks just because it is pleasant to the body.

Kinesthetics love soothing colors, but clothing colors are often overlooked. If you meet a person in a suit of incongruous shades, you can be sure that you are a person of feelings and sensations. Kinesthetic learners have the hardest time communicating with visuals, for whom eye contact is important. Staring makes kinesthetics feel uncomfortable and uncomfortable, and visuals, in turn, often accuse kinesthetics of being inattentive, self-absorbed and not listening to the interlocutor, since kinesthetics, when talking, are constantly looking for something with their eyes at their feet. Kinesthetic learners are good at remembering tastes, smells, and sensations. These people are gourmets in food, flavors and bodily comfort. A kinesthetic boss is likely to invite subordinates to "dive into problem solving."

Certainly, There are no 100% visuals, auditory or kinesthetics, although one of the channels of perception can be expressed very strongly. Paying attention to the manner of speaking and dressing another person, one can assume which perception system the interlocutor has leading, and make an adjustment for this: visual - look into the eyes and praise his new suit; do not raise your voice when communicating with the auditory and talk with him in a calm, friendly manner; not to “drill” with the gaze of the kinesthetic, but to invite him to sit in a comfortable chair. If you do so consciously, understanding true reason own and other people's behavior, many problems in communicating with people will disappear. Then, if you are, for example, a visual person, you will not be offended by the fact that an auditory person, when talking to you, looks away and seems to be thinking about something extraneous (although in fact he is listening to you attentively), and the look of a kinesthetic directed to himself under your feet, will not be perceived by you as an attempt to hide something very important; if, for example, you are a kinesthetic person, you will not be embarrassed by a closer look and will not be visited by a feeling of discomfort if you know that your interlocutor is a visual.

Many believe that they do not look in the eyes when they are deceiving. Psychologists refute this and assure that there are many reasons why during a conversation a person does not look into the eyes of another. Why doesn't the person make eye contact?

During the experiments, it turned out that in one second, when people look into each other's eyes, they are able to get the amount of information, as well as in 3 hours of active communication. Therefore, constantly looking into the eyes of the interlocutor is not easy, and the person has to look away.

In addition, it has been proven that if people constantly look into each other's eyes, then this annoys them very much. In this case, it seems to a person that they are trying to read or calculate him. And nobody likes it.

In some cases, when talking, looking away is considered a sign of shyness - this is scientifically confirmed. The look gives out the attitude to the object: interest, love or interest - all this makes the eyes look special. Therefore, if a person does not want you to see his feelings right now, then he looks away.

It is hard to look into the eyes of a person who has a heavy look. Already in the first seconds of communication with such a person it becomes uncomfortable, uncomfortable and even unpleasant. Such a look puts pressure on morale and you have to look away.

Why they don't look into your eyes

Another reason why people don't make eye contact is their lack of self-confidence. A person gives out emotional excitement if, in the process of talking, he: sorts something in his hands, pulls at the tip of his nose, ears or hair. Also, he will avoid direct eye contact, because he does not know which look is most appropriate for him to “send” to you.

Why a person does not look into the eyes - often a person does not want to look into the eyes of the interlocutor just because he is not interested in him. In addition to the averted gaze, disinterest is manifested by additional signs: glancing at the clock, yawning, interrupting the conversation under any pretext, etc.

In order not to have problems in communication, you can practice not looking away when talking. Then it will be easier for you to make new friends or build any relationship with people.

Uncertainty and boredom

Very often, looking away while talking can be a sign of shyness. With the help of a glance, you can express your attitude to the object, show interest, demonstrate a feeling of love. Also in the look it can be read that it is difficult for a person to find words for a conversation, his nervousness and so on. Therefore, the eyes are turned aside so as not to tell too much about themselves ahead of time and show themselves not in the best possible way.

Uncertainty and lack of concentration also often cause people not to look into the eyes of the interlocutor. Sometimes it can be difficult to find a common language with this or that person, because of which the interlocutor lowers his eyes, begins to nervously touch something in his hands, pulls his ears or hair, thereby betraying his excitement. Such people are simply not sure that they behave and speak correctly.

There are very common cases when they do not look into the eyes of the interlocutor because he is simply uninteresting. In such a situation, there is simply no point in exchanging information both on a verbal and non-verbal level. It is enough to simply recognize whether the interlocutor is bored with you. In addition to the lowered gaze, such a person will also be characterized by other signs of his disinterest: frequent glancing at his watch,