IN Everyday life between people, due to the difference in temperaments often occur. This is due, first of all, to the excessive emotionality of a person and lack of self-control. How to learn to restrain emotions? How to "take over" your own feelings and thoughts during a conflict? Psychology provides answers to these questions.

What is self-control for?

Restraint and self-control is something that many people lack. This comes with time, constantly training and improving skills. Self-control helps to achieve a lot, and the least of this list is inner peace of mind. and at the same time prevent Understanding that it is necessary and gaining agreement with one's own "I".

How to release emotions

Stop, take a deep breath, count to ten, and then be careful about expressing your emotions in public. When you feel good, you tend to play well. Conversely, when you feel bad, you are probably not playing well.

Sports psychologists talk about the need to control emotions on the court, but what they mean by this is not just the suppression of emotions. Instead, they talk about the optimal strategy by which players not only get rid of negative emotions, but also work to create positive ones.

Control over emotions does not allow aggravation of the conflict situation, allows you to find a common language with completely opposite personalities. IN more, self-control is necessary to build relationships with people, it doesn’t matter business partners or relatives, children, lovers.

The impact of negative emotions on life

Disruptions and scandals, in which negative energy is released, adversely affect not only the people around, but also the instigator of conflict situations. How to learn to control your negative emotions? Try to avoid conflicts and not succumb to provocations from other people.

During tennis, as in other sports, positive emotions help, but do not guarantee a good game. This fact tends to confuse players because they often find that they still lose matches even after they discipline their emotions.

The best assistant in mastering the science of self-control is meditation

They begin to think that emotional control has no value. While good emotions never guarantee victory, bad emotions often guarantee loss. Emotions only set the stage for the quality of the game that follows, but they don't control it. Good emotions only make a good game more likely, they don't guarantee anything.


Negative emotions destroy harmonious relationship in the family, hinder the normal development of personality and career growth. After all, few people want to cooperate / communicate / live with a person who does not control himself and, at every opportunity, starts a large-scale scandal. For example, if a woman cannot control herself and constantly finds fault with her man, which leads to serious quarrels, then soon he will leave her.

Habits, repetitions and our strokes

Finally, the emotional effects on tennis performance are often overlooked because they can be small, sometimes just a point or two here and there that is barely noticeable. Our punches are controlled by sequences of muscle memories that are programmed into the nervous system through practice repetition. The more correct the repetition, the more accurate the programming is, and rather the shot should function properly in competition.

Exercises for controlling emotions in psychology

Optimal tactical responses to enemy shots during play are also programmed into our nervous system for reward and punishment during past competition. For example, when we score a correct shot and win a point and, in the same situation, hit the wrong shot AND lose sense, our nervous systems record this information and use it later to improve shot selection.

In raising children, it is also important to restrain yourself and not give vent to negative emotions. The child will feel every word spoken by the parent in the heat of anger, and subsequently remember this moment for the rest of his life. Psychology helps to understand how to learn to restrain emotions and prevent their manifestation in communication with children and loved ones.

After all, strokes and immediate tactical reactions are no longer under conscious control in matches. They act out of habit and come out too quickly for conscious thought. Of course, on a conscious level, we need to have game plans in place and remain sensitive to how well they are working in order to make effective adjustments, but all of this is superimposed on a set of basic programmed habits and responses that function below the level of Conscious Thought.

Don't expect the pieces to line up the way you want them to. If you're always trying to make sure it's all pleasure, no pain, you're stuck in a cycle, which is one of the main causes of suffering. You think: Other people have it together. Don't try to control everything.


Negative emotions also have a big impact on business and work activities. The team always consists of people of different temperaments, therefore self-control plays an important role here: negativity can spill out at any moment when a person is put under pressure, they are required to do overwhelming work. And instead of the usual dialogue, where the parties can reach a consensus, a scandal develops. How to learn to restrain emotions in the workplace? Do not respond to the provocations of employees, try to start a casual conversation, agree with the authorities in everything, even if the tasks set are difficult to accomplish.

Be open and receptive to situations. In Buddhism, we are taught that we have no actual control, which is a scary idea. But when you allow things to be as they are, you will become a much happier, more balanced, compassionate person.

So how do you control and manage your emotions?

Reframe bad feelings as invitations to growth. Feelings like disappointment, irritation, embarrassment, resentment, anger, jealousy and fear are actually very clear moments that let us know where we are holding back. They teach us to be afraid when we feel that we would rather collapse and come back. They are like messengers who show us, with absolute clarity, exactly where we are stuck.

Suppression of emotions

Constantly holding yourself back within certain limits and preventing the release of negativity is not a panacea. Suppressing accumulates negativity in itself, and therefore, the risk of developing psychological diseases increases. It is necessary to “splash out” the negative from time to time somewhere, but in such a way that the feelings of other people do not suffer. How to learn to restrain emotions, but without harm to inner peace? Go in for sports, because during training a person spends all his internal resources, and the negative quickly disappears.

The problem is, we have so little tolerance for uncomfortable feelings. You keep trying to elude them, but if you somehow stay present and touch the indecisiveness of experience, then you can learn something. Connect with the physical sensation in your body. This is always very bad; it is usually a tightening in the throat, heart, or solar plexus. This is my connection to humanity. "Just get involved with the idea that this moment is a shared experience all over the world." We usually set up a barrier called guilt that prevents us from genuinely communicating with others, and then we reinforce it with our beliefs about who is right and who is wrong.


For the release of negative energy, wrestling, boxing, hand-to-hand combat are suitable. It is important here that a person mentally wants to give vent to his emotions, then he will feel relieved and he will not want to take it out on anyone. However, it should be borne in mind that everything should be in moderation, and overwork during training can provoke a new influx of negativity.

We do it with the people closest to us, with the political systems, with all the things we don't like about our partners or our society. This is a very common, ancient, well-perfect device for making yourself feel better - blaming others. It is a way to protect your heart, to protect what is soft, open and tender in yourself. Instead of owning this pain, we scramble to find comfortable ground.

How to control your emotions

If we were to make a list of the people we don't like - the people we find disgusting, threatening or despicable - we'll learn a lot about those aspects of ourselves that we can't face. "Be grateful for everyone" is to make peace with those aspects of ourselves that we have rejected.

Two ways to keep your emotions in check:

  • Do you dislike a person so much that you are ready to destroy him? Do it, but, of course, not in the truest sense of the word. At that moment, when you become uncomfortable from communicating with him, do mentally with this person whatever you want.
  • Draw a person you hate and write down on a piece of paper next to the image the problems that appeared in your life thanks to him. Burn the leaf and mentally put an end to your relationship with this person.

Prevention

How to learn to restrain emotions? Psychology provides the answer to this question: to control your feelings and emotions, prevention is necessary, in other words, emotional hygiene. Like the human body, his soul also needs hygiene and disease prevention. To do this, you need to protect yourself from communicating with people who cause hostility, and also, if possible, avoid conflicts.

Managing emotions and feelings

Compassion is not a relationship between a healer and the wounded, it is a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity. We are all capable of becoming fundamentalists because we are dependent on the mistakes of others.

Casual conversation can be powerful. It's how we share information and connect with each other - often more deeply than we can digitally. It together determines how well and at what level we can communicate with each other.


Prevention is the most gentle and optimal way to control emotions. It does not require additional training of a person and the intervention of a specialist. Preventive measures allow you to protect yourself from negativity and nervous breakdowns for a long time.

The main thing that helps to get the better of your emotions is total control over your own life. When a person is satisfied with everything in his home, work, relationships, and he understands that at any moment he can influence and adjust all this for himself, then it is easier for him to restrain the manifestation of negative emotions. There are a number of preventive rules that help manage your own feelings and thoughts. How to learn to control your emotions and manage yourself? Follow simple rules.

This is just as true in the workplace as it is in our personal lives. At work, conversations create bonds that ensure strong working relationships and effective teams. And because communication works on both an emotional level and an intellectual level, high emotional intelligence helps us communicate more effectively.

Become aware of your own emotional state

Here are seven habits that highly emotionally intelligent people use to have more powerful conversations - and how you can put them to good use. emotionally smart people understand their own feelings and how it affects their conversations with others. They can before starting a conversation. This way, they don't let their feelings get out of hand and take charge of the conversation.


Unfinished business and debt

Complete all the planned tasks in a short time, do not leave the work unfinished - this can cause a delay in deadlines, provoking negative emotions. Also, "tails" can be reproached, point out your incompetence.

In financial terms, try to avoid delays in payments and debts - this is exhausting and prevents you from reaching your goal. Understanding that you have not repaid a debt to someone causes negativity, helplessness in the face of the circumstances.

It always takes time to find out what's going on with the other person emotionally - right now. Sometimes it means delaying or stopping yourself from saying something that may seem harsh or highly subjective, even if you don't have your emotions completely under control at all.

See how others feel

Those with high emotional intelligence are also able to check if something is wrong from other people's point of view. Their empathy and sensitivity can help others feel comfortable sharing what is happening to them. You can usually get this information non-verbally. Be mindful of the tone of words, facial expressions, and body language - these can be powerful clues to understanding how the other person is feeling.

The absence of debts, both financial and other, allows you to fully spend your own energy resources and forces, directing them to the realization of desires. A sense of duty, on the other hand, is a hindrance to mastering self-control and achieving success. How to learn to restrain emotions and control yourself? Eliminate debts in a timely manner.

It can take time to build trust - even in the space of a single conversation and even with someone you've previously interacted with. Any time you're talking to someone because you want something from them, take the time to lighten up the technical stuff. Emotionally smart people always take the time to find out what's going on with the other person emotionally - right now. They are slow to invest their own needs. This paves the way for smoother and more successful conversations for everyone involved.

Have you ever had a three-way conversation in which you completely ignored the person speaking? Did they direct their conversation entirely to one or more of the people they were talking to? The best conversationalists are more inclusive. They know about environment, which includes other people, even those who can keep their mouths shut.

Cosiness

Create a comfortable workplace for yourself, equip your home according to your own taste. Both at work and at home, with your family, you should be comfortable - nothing should cause irritation or any other negative emotions.

Time planning

Try to competently make plans for the day, strive to ensure that you have both time and resources for the implementation of the tasks set a little more than you need. This will avoid the negative associated with the constant lack of time and worries about the lack of finances, energy and strength for work.

To open a conversation, just take turns - and start with eye contact. This way you can loop them before they start to feel drained. It was that the best interlocutors often hear more than they say. Very emotionally intelligent people understand this. They take their time to listen rather than just mentally prepare an answer while the other person is speaking.

If their message or intent is not clear, never be rude just ask for clarification; It can be as simple as polite: "What do you mean?" The reason here, too, is obvious but often overlooked: If the person you're talking to doesn't feel heard, they don't really enjoy talking to you. Listening carefully to someone does not mean agreeing with their every remark. It's just letting your guard be enough to encourage the speaker to keep opening up and sharing their ideas freely.

Communication and workflow

Avoid contact with unpleasant people who waste your personal time. In particular, with individuals who are named - they take not only time, but also your strength. If possible, try not to intersect with overly temperamental people, as any incorrect remark directed in their direction can provoke a scandal. How to control your emotions in relationships with other people? Be polite, do not exceed your authority, do not overreact to criticism.

However, it can do something balancing. To have meaningful conversations, you need to find some common ground, even if there is little agreement on what is being said. If you rate emotional intelligence highly, chances are you're good at understanding the intricacies of what other people mean, even if it's not expressed in their words.

This helps the conversation to continue respectfully despite any differences of opinion. When these differences arise, don't accept other people's emotions. Instead, keep managing your own so you can influence the tone and mood of the conversation, even if the subject hits rocky terrain.


If your job brings you nothing but negative emotions, then you should think about changing your place of work. Earning money to the detriment of your soul and feelings, sooner or later, will lead to a breakdown and disorder of peace of mind.

Border marking

Mentally create a list of things and actions that cause you negative emotions. Draw an invisible line, a line beyond which no one, even yourself, can cross. close person. Make a set of rules that restrict people from interacting with you. Those who truly love, appreciate and respect you will accept such demands, and those who oppose the settings should not be in your environment. To communicate with outsiders, develop a special system that will avoid violation of your boundaries and the formation of conflict situations.

Physical activity and introspection

Playing sports will bring not only physical health, but also mental balance. Give sports from 30 minutes to 1 hour a day, and your body will quickly cope with negative emotions.

At the same time, analyze everything that happens to you during the day. Ask yourself questions about whether you did the right thing in this or that situation, whether you communicated with the right people, whether there was enough time to complete the work. This will help not only to understand yourself, but also in the future to eradicate communication with unnecessary people that cause negativity. own emotions, thoughts and goals allows you to fully develop self-control.

Positive emotions and prioritization

Develop the ability to switch from negative to positive emotions, try to see the positive side in any situation. How to learn to control emotions in relationships with relatives and strangers? Be positive, and this will help you defeat your own temper.

A well-chosen goal is a great help in achieving self-control. When you are on the verge of a surge of negative emotions, imagine that as soon as you stop being nervous and paying attention to provocations, your dreams will begin to come true. Choose only realistic, achievable goals.

Environment

Take a close look at the people around you. Is there any benefit in talking to them? Do they bring you happiness, warmth and kindness, do they make you happy? If not, then the answer is obvious, you urgently need to change your social circle, switch to individuals who carry positive emotions. Of course, it is unrealistic to do this in the workplace, but at least limit yourself from communicating with such people outside the workspace.

In addition to changing the environment, expanding the circle of friends will help to achieve the development of self-control. This will give you new opportunities, knowledge and a positive charge for a long time.

Some people are worried and nervous for any reason. They wind themselves up over trifles, and are often depressed. Life in constant stress eventually leads to the development of various diseases.

How to learn to control your emotions

Controlling your emotions means controlling your life and yourself. This means being in control of everything that happens around you. If necessary, influence life and the world in a way that suits and suits you.

There are several rules:

  1. Use . If during a conversation your interlocutor begins to annoy, and there is a desire to throw something at him, then mentally carry out your plan. Scroll in your head the picture of how it happens. You will immediately feel better.
  2. If the topic of discussion is unpleasant for you, imagine a solid barrier between you and the interlocutor. All the negativity remains on the other side, and you feel calm and indifferent.
  3. Drawings allow you to splash out excess negativity. Draw what's in your head. Let you forcefully press the pen or pencil so that the paper will tear at the same time. Everything that has accumulated inside, transfer to a piece of paper. You can crumple and throw away your drawing as a result. This is how you get rid of anger.
  4. Train your senses. Sometimes it is difficult to understand what exactly is guiding you at the moment. For example, coffee was spilled in the morning, and then anger was poured out on one of the colleagues. Try to avoid reacting to the emotions within you.
  5. To learn to control your emotions - you have to be patient. Emotions arise instantly and are difficult to contain. Practice changing facial expressions in front of a mirror, grimacing and making faces. Then what you have inside will not manifest outwardly. Later, the emotions themselves will become manageable.

How to control your anger

Anger arises from a serious incident. Instinctively, aggression appears inside, which breaks out. You cannot find something, or an expensive thing has broken down, you have been rude. All this becomes the reason for the emergence of aggression. Anger also generates psychological trauma experienced in childhood.

If you do not know how to restrain your anger, you will have to face problems in life. You can lose your loved ones, become. In the future, anger increases, problems become even more, because. you get angry about them. Subsequently, health problems arise.

Tips for curbing your anger:

  • Mentally count to 10 before you react.
  • Inhale and exhale deeply several times. Think of words that can calm you down.
  • Try to explain your dissatisfaction calmly, without shouting. The person needs to understand what made you angry.
  • Before you say something, think over your phrase so as not to regret what was said.
  • Try to talk and find a joint solution with the interlocutor.
  • Speak for yourself so you don't accidentally slander the innocent.
  • Don't hold grudges against others.
  • Try to be humorous about what happened.
  • Avoid sarcasm.


How to control aggression

If you feel irritated, think of good things that can calm you down. Imagine yourself in the place of another person, try to understand his behavior. Try to be calm about everything. Imagine yourself as a wall that does not respond to stimuli.

Many have flaws and people often make mistakes. Be patient with others. When communicating with other people, you should not switch to shouting. Take a break to calm down. Tell a loved one about your problems to get support.

  • Sport helps to get rid of unnecessary energy. Start doing it and you will feel how you get rid of aggression.
  • Sleep is the rest of the body. If a person does not get enough sleep, he becomes quick-tempered. Sleep should be at least 7 hours a day.
  • Meditation will help you become a more balanced person.
  • Rest, communication will help relieve stress. You can listen calm music to relax and calm down.
  • Determine the reason for the anger. Perhaps everything is not quite as it seems at first glance.
  • Respect the people around you. They have their own opinion.


How to become calmer

  1. In order to calmly react to what is happening around, you have to start with yourself. If you learn to remain a calm person in any situation, the world around you will become more comfortable and.
  2. Constancy. To do this, you need to follow the daily routine. Go to bed and wake up at the same time. Don't overload yourself with work. Do not exhaust the body with strict diets. Weekends to spend with health benefits.
  3. Nutrition. The body needs vitamins. From a lack of vitamins, a person quickly gets tired, becomes irritable. More vegetables and fruits, and if possible, replace black tea with.
  4. Exercise stress. After training, a person feels an improvement in mood. The body gets tired, while the psyche rests. When playing sports, you will not only keep yourself in shape, but also become less prone to outbursts of anger.
  5. Hobbies. If you didn't have a favorite activity, think of one. Maybe you like growing flowers or painting, but you just didn't have time for it.
  6. Debts. Sometimes unfulfilled obligations become the cause of aggression for any reason. Cases that are not completed, unrealized plans are pressing from the inside. Try to complete everything you started and feel freer.
  7. Unnecessary information. On TV or from newspapers you get information that affects the condition. All the negativity from these sources can affect a person's behavior. Try to avoid unverified information. Read calm literature more often and watch good films.