The child does not get angry because he does not like us, he wants to be "rude". It shows difficult behavior because it can't help it, lost and frightened, unable to cope with the rising tide of emotions. He cannot calm down. Our role is to help your child learn.

You Can't Prevent Negative Emotions

The child learns by imitation, is a mad observer. First, he believes that our gestures, body language, words are not as important as actions. Many parents, given the weight of the responsibility they bear, are trapped. He does everything to deny emotions, not to feel them and to deny their existence. There is only one goal: do not be angry with the child, do not be upset, do not despair, do not get annoyed, do not shout. Emotions that we do not express do not disappear, they accumulate inside us and wait for the moment when they can explode, usually too painfully, which leads to guilt and remorse.

And these emotions are not a good adviser. There is another risk that comes with hiding emotions: falling into a vicious circle. A bad feeling after an outburst of anger is likely to end in a way that further masks the negative feelings so it doesn't happen in the future. A child does not need a perfect but authentic parent.

How can you help your child deal with emotions?

Give yourself permission to be angry with the child, let the child be upset. This is very important for mental health. Let the negative emotions of the child and himself, do not protect the child from difficult situations and emotions, show that you are not afraid of his reaction and give him permission, be patient, give time to play freely, which allows you to develop the frontal lobe responsible for emotions, hinder stress and negative emotions, movement makes it easier to regulate unpleasant emotions, talk about emotions when the child is calm, learns to cope with emotions. It is important never to punish negative emotions, not to make fun of the child's behavior.

It is also very important that the child feels understood and accepted, even in difficult moments. Building a sense of security, secure attachment gives you the strength to deal with difficult emotions. The child needs to know and feel loved. Sometimes we help ourselves in the tension felt by something sweet. Why is it ineffective?

Self-control of emotions is sometimes understood as the control of one's experience or expression. Most people would like to reduce and reduce the intensity of the experience of sadness or anxiety, as well as increase the experience of happiness, curiosity or love. Often, we also want, in a different way than so far, to express experienced emotions, rather than swallow anger in the face of fear reaction, to reveal it as assertive and elegant, instead of running in a dark corner, hiding our shame, to be able to say about it, instead of blocking the express and giving up.

We are often faced with individual or social responsibility for the lack or insufficiency of emotional self-control, suggesting negligence in subordinating a person. Simultaneously with psychotherapeutic practice, it shows that the most frequently encountered problems reported by clients relate to their helplessness against being flooded with unwanted emotions, for example. Fear, sadness, anger, sadness. Thus, the question arises whether the lack of emotional control is due to the omission of what is available to us, but what we have not yet learned, or negligence, or is it a desirable requirement, but only in a certain, slightly subordinate to the will and abilities of a person ?

Emotions arise very early in phylogenetic development, which demonstrates their special role for humans. Emotions function as an identifier of the relationship between a person and environment. Arnold Lazarus talks about two types of evaluation that affect the growth and quality of the emotional process.

It consists in the recognition by the subject of a particular event as significant for his own goals and interests. Imagine that it is already late in the evening, and suddenly there was a sound of impact. A sleeping child may think that he is knocking an evil magician, looks good and will be very anxious. He completely hides under the covers or calls to help his mother. His father identifies these sounds as a pile hammer and feel something of a surprise, like a neighbor's preference if just flying in on the television of an IMPORTANT football game, anger or negligence on the neighbor if he is going to sleep earlier, and throwing him completely excited.

Emotion is perceived as positive if the event corresponds to goals and interests, or negative if it is incompatible with them. The appearance of an emotion triggers a priority for the associated program of action. You experience an emotional accompanying therefore four components.

Robert Plucik mentions eight primary emotions that depict the figure. They are arranged according to the ease of passing one into the other; According to this principle, opposite emotions, such as anger and fear, joy and sorrow, are in opposition. Other emotions are the result of the main compilations. First order diapers are created by the fusion of two adjacent emotions, for example the coexistence of fear and surprise creates fear, joy and recognition of kindness.

Sometimes also the coexistence of emotions more distant from each other, sometimes in conflict, for example. Sadness and anger cause despondency, joy, fear separates recognition, therefore their merging is incomplete, and what is the result of conflict becomes a source of guilt.

Certain structures in the brain play a special role in the process of testing and storing emotions, namely the location of the hippocampus and the amygdala. The first is responsible for declarative memory, i.e. recording the course of a particular emotional event. In contrast, the amygdala, which assumes its function, previously stores hidden emotional memory, ie. Emotional experience, experience in a given situation.

Mariusz was involved in a car accident. His car slid into the slip, went to left side road, crashed into a bus, and then drove off. This event was accompanied by an intense cavity of the blocked horn. Mariusz is able to accurately tell the course of events. The sound of the horn that causes new anxiety is also remembered and recorded. There is muscle tension, palpitations, horror, just like the one he felt during the accident. This is the result of latent emotional memory.

Probably some of them come from experience early childhood that the explicit memory system was not yet functioning, but there is a record of emotions registered by the amygdala. However, there was no memory of the event that accompanied him. Exceptionally strong memories are called so. Flash memory. They are especially expressive and lively because of the emotional implications. It turns out that the fixation of such experiences is adrenaline released as a result of the activation of the hormonal system. Serious, practical problems are recurring, negative, emotional experiences experienced by rescuers who are involved in rescue operations in various natural disasters.

It turns out that giving rescuers or soldiers adrenaline blockers significantly reduces and inhibits the emergence of harsh memories. This emotional style is responsible for "brain biology", namely the level of activation of the selected cerebellar hemispheres of the cerebellum in the right hemisphere. The equipment is responsible for the different moods of young children, which are defined as cheerful or restless. These assumptions are supported by studies of infants who show a certain dominant emotionality, although they are too young to be emotional as an effect of training and education.

The first four of them are predominantly genetically determined, they are the result of our innate equipment, and the level of conscientiousness is mainly dependent on educational and environmental exposures. Thus, personality is largely biologically conditioned. One of its manifestations is a predisposition to experiencing certain emotional states. People with a high level of neuroticism are characterized by the ease of experiencing anxiety, sadness, anger and extravagant people, characterized by susceptibility to experiencing states of joy and optimism.

High openness is associated with a predisposition to curiosity, while high coherence is accompanied by increased ease of experiencing emotions and compassion. Even from this very superficial overview, the implications are obvious. It would seem that the natural state that a person strives for is a feeling of positive emotions, but despite these expectations, people also come into situations that are a source of negative emotions, such as fear, horror, disgust, regret, sadness.

There are a number of reasons why a person seeks difficult emotions. Here are some of them: sudden relief when sources of negative emotions disappear, comparison of a tragic situation creates an opportunity to experience the positive of one's own situation, Confidence in the future, possible negative events, faith in life, accepting a balance of joy and suffering from negative experiences from there will increase the likelihood of positive experiences in the future , causing negative emotions, will increase the experience of reality, give a sense of non-triviality and real life.

Typically, self-control measures refer to situations where an emotional event has already occurred. However, self-control can also prevent them from occurring and therefore avoid situations that are their source. In situations where avoidance of unwanted emotions is not feasible or very restrictive, he is left to deal with it.

Self-control can take place on three levels, focusing on three different elements of the emotional process. Receive information that gives off emotions, intrapsychic processes by expressing emotions. In addition to selective perception, a similar role is played by jokes in situations of danger, imagery, and task concentration, when we view the situation as a solving task.