How to treat uncontrollable outbursts of anger. Uncontrollable outbursts of anger. Features and methods of dealing with them

editor

I would like all people to be good and friendly, but, unfortunately, this is not possible. It is difficult for us to manage our emotions, especially when there are so many annoying factors around. Our rudeness and anger are natural reactions to external stimuli. But sometimes outbursts of anger cross all boundaries and manifest themselves in the form of aggressive uncontrollable behavior. Uncontrolled outbursts of anger can be very dangerous both for the person himself and for the people around him.

Causes of anger attacks

Anger is a momentary insanity expressing internal state person. His anxiety and inability to cope with the problem accumulates and results in various disorders that provoke anger. This provocation can be caused by both internal and external factors. Internal problems:

depression,
lack of sleep
hunger,
chronic fatigue,
imbalance of brain functions, etc.

External problems are all environmental factors that a person does not like (someone's act, sudden rain, traffic jam, etc.).

Anger attacks - symptoms

Outbursts of anger can manifest themselves in different ways. Sometimes they go unnoticed by others. A person boils everything inside, but he does not show it in any way externally. Another variety is destructive anger. Such attacks are ready to manifest themselves in the form of the use of physical force, moral humiliation and damage to property. There is no protection against sudden outbursts of anger. Aggression can be directed both at the person who caused it, and at a random passerby.

Female and male aggression can manifest itself in different ways. Attacks of anger in men result in punches on the table, throwing phones on the floor, beatings, etc. Women most often fall into hysterics, cry, accuse, insult. Although there are times when women resort to assault.

The danger of uncontrolled anger

If the problem of frequent outbursts of uncontrolled anger is ignored, various psychological disorders of the personality can occur that can affect a person's relationships in society. Therefore, it is necessary to take this issue seriously and begin treatment. Often, sudden outbursts of anger pass as quickly as they came, but the person remains feeling guilty and damaged relationships with others. This further complicates the situation, as a person can become depressed, which again can provoke unreasonable anger.

Of course treat Not controlled anger should be a specialist, but for a start it would be nice to understand yourself. It is necessary to understand the causes of outbreaks: the fast pace of life, dissatisfaction with work, overwhelming workloads. Perhaps eliminating these causes can solve the problem. After all, no doctor can help if, after successful therapy, a person returns to the same negative environment.

What causes uncontrollable outbursts of anger

Often people think that expressing anger will help them influence other people and get what they want. In fact, anger contributes to the destruction of relationships, interferes with the adoption of important decisions, clouds the mind and, in general, negatively affects a person’s life. In addition, outbursts of anger:

Harm to physical health. They can cause diabetes, immune and cardiovascular diseases.
Affects mental health. Thinking, attention and memory suffer.
Hurts career. If a person proves his point of view in an aggressive manner, this does not add anything to his authority. Colleagues and management have a negative attitude towards squabbles and proceedings in the workplace.
Destroys interpersonal relationships. Angry outbursts and hurtful words leave scars in the hearts of the offended. The basis of a successful relationship is trust and calmness, and sudden outbursts of anger can cross it all out in one moment.

Ways to deal with uncontrollable anger

When tired from stress, it is necessary to reduce the pace of life. A person needs rest, its lack can result in uncontrollable anger. In this case, you need to postpone all business and relax.

Avoid stressful situations. Analyze what causes you most unreasonable anger. For example, if traffic jams in a metropolis infuriate you, try not to travel during rush hours or use the subway.

Get enough sleep to control your anger. Everyone needs a certain amount of sleep in order to feel alert. If necessary, take soothing teas, they will help to relax and calm down.

Anger attacks symptoms and their treatment

If you can not adhere to these rules, you need to learn how to control bouts of anger. A good way was invented by the Japanese, who learned how to vent strong anger not on people, but on stuffed animals. Any office worker who is dissatisfied with his superiors can beat the scarecrow and thus get rid of negative emotions. Perhaps this method will suit you, and the stuffed animal will perfectly replace the punching bag. Also try not to keep irritation in yourself, accumulating, it can pour out at the most inopportune moment. And a person in anger - one has only to look at the photo - becomes unpleasant and can alienate others.

- Will you stay with this woman?! Yes, I will turn her head off now !!!

... The heel fell off and hung on a piece of leather on the heel of the boot. Natasha stumbled and, in an expensive coat, fell from a run on her stomach, flat, her face into uneven pieces of ice, there was ice. She cut her ungloved hand, tightly clutching her purse, on the ice crumb. The bag opened, something fell out, but it was not up to it. She jumped up and started running again, but was caught by a buckling heel, again flopped with a bang in front of the dumbfounded passers-by, got up and rushed already on her toes, trying to deceive the treacherous heel, stained, disheveled, after each new fall more and more furious ...

... This morning, loving wife Natasha saw off her beloved husband Kolya to a commercial service, gently kissing him at the doorstep. Closer to dinner, Kolenka called and said that he would be late in the evening, since Lyudmila, the manager of the sales department, would come up with a new project...

Oh, this Ludmila! An older woman, two five years older than Natalia, hovered around Kolya like a cat around sour cream. Found conceivable excusesand unthinkable for business visits to the boss, she tried to be useful, obliging, tried to please: she styled her hair and put on the skirts of her student daughter. And the reason was transparent: Lyudmila wanted to stay on horseback in our difficult capitalist time and, in the event of an inevitable reduction in the department, “stake out” a place for herself in Nikolai's company. And, not relying on their good commercial abilitiesand experience, I decided to strengthen the effect with female charms, so I started a frank hunt for the boss.

Her belated coquetry would have been funny to Nikolai if Natalya had not been so sad. Already five of Kolya's employees in telephone conversations with her walked with a chuckle on the topic of the passionate interest of the stocky aunt in the sleek, handsome Kolya ... So this morning Natasha, who was hired by the company, calleda friend told her husband and told how Lyudmila in the smoking room boasted that even at forty-five she was a berry again: she would be able to turn the boss’s head, and when others were laid off, she would certainly remain!

“Refuse the meeting,” Natasha said harshly.

- Honey, don't be so mean. Lyudmila is a good person, ”answered the husband, who perceived his wife’s ultimatum as an attack on his male pride. A possible concession to his wife seemed to him a step towards the destruction of himself. He's not used to it.

- So that her legs are no longer in your office! - cut off the wife and retold Lyudmilin's boast.

“She has a profitable project,” the husband disagreed. - And what do I care about women's gossip?

It was beneficial for him to cooperate with Lyudmila. “For what reason? he thought. - There is nothing bad. And why should my wife manage me - after allam I the owner?

- I'm the boss here! And I'll talk to your girlfriends that they're the ones who are messing with you! - and Nikolai hung up the phone ...

... Natalya boiled until the evening (in the inflamed brain, the internal dialogue continued - the stream of hurting thoughts, images, feelings changed), and when the boiling point exceeded all possible limits, she threw on her coat and ran out into the street. With the exception of the subway, she galloped all the way, could not stand waiting for the elevator, flew up the stairs, burst into his office, tore off the ill-fated boot from his foot and slammed him twice in his confused and frightened, so dear face ...

"ANGER, O GODDESS, SING TO ACHILLES, THE SON OF PELEUS..."

Homer began his Iliad with this famous phrase. And in the domestic spiritual tradition there is the concept of "the breadth of Russian righteous anger", meaning a special psychological state, which must include a warrior who defeats the enemy. The same Agni Yoga recognizes the correctness and even the necessity of such a feeling as the indignation of the spirit, without which it is impossible to defeat evil by mild means ... However, we are not interested in these manifestations of the warlike nature of the spirit, which in their essence are much more involve the participation of consciousness, and uncontrollable angry outbursts, as a weakness and a significant hindrance in life, which worsen, distort, destroy life. So let's get back to our sheep. That is to say, to spouses bogged down in a brawl, who “stuck” to each other in a rage, like boxers in a clinch, and already in the twentieth circle they are discussing and proving their own. They breathe rapidly, approaching each other with fairly reddened faces, with walking nodules, we omit their vocabulary. How to make sure that uncontrollable outbursts of marital anger, often for reasons that "the eggs are not worth a damn", no longer overshadow their happiness? In general, how can quick-tempered people not waste their vitality first on loud anger, then on correcting a post-scandal situation, but to achieve their goal peacefully?

THE NATURE OF ANGER

Anger is a natural human reaction to being hurt or upset. The emotion of anger in origin goes back to the animal world, whose representatives, faced with dangers, face a choice - to flee or counterattack. An effective counterattack requires a reinforcement impulse in the form of a powerful negative emotion of anger, which in many animals, especially predators, is genetically fixed as a reflex reaction. Anger performs a protective function, protecting the species from the threat of destruction. Humans, like animals, are prone to fighting and attacking each other when they are in pain or despair. But some people are so sensitive that they perceive non-dangerous situations as an attack and react aggressively - they give out negative emotions outward with some preemption, so as not to be outrageous. They mark their territory - do not touch, do not climb! An increased sense of danger is exacerbated in a person with a well-developed ego, which is infringed. The fear of being a loser here is overly expressed - hypertrophied suspiciousness. The fundamental principle of anger is always an infringement of the Ego. Fear of demonstrating low self-esteem, weakness, being lower than another person. In addition, an angry person has not developed any internal restraining mechanisms (a more philosophical attitude to life, self-control, self-control), or external cultural ways to cope with anger - for example, signaling to another that “I don’t like the way you behave.” It is correct to say about your feelings: not “you are bad”, but “I don’t like this situation”. Spouses who have learned to give and understand such signals do not approach the dangerous line, but solve their problems at some distance from it. If the signals do not reach the opponent, you need to understand - why? Maybe the task is basically impossible? But usually the angry person is not ready to calmly respond to the disagreement of the other. An angry person cannot stand on the "other side", on the opponent's position, try to lose the situation on the other side, he is responsible only for himself. Therefore, for him, dissent is like a black box. He doesn't understand why he does this. Or he understands, but interprets it as malignity, which must be broken, destroyed. Therefore, I always advise mentally reincarnating in the opposite direction. Or even sit on another chair, talk for the opponent. What has a stronger effect on others, on loved ones, what breaks through more? The degree of infringement of the Ego is decisive. The physiological background of anger: in a calm state, all body systems function calmly. When external, not very strong, stimuli appear, the body mobilizes a little, but turns on internal resources, and everything remains within the normal range. But now a situation has arisen that seems dangerous, and the person is psychologically mobilized. And, of course, the physiological basis of the psyche is instantly tightened - adrenaline is released, the heartbeat quickens, blood rushes to the face. When a person has not developed civilized channels for throwing off anger or stopping himself at this moment, he switches to a psychological, and sometimes even a physical fight. Anger is the most pronounced emotion in which our energy is manifested. Energy is expressed in external manifestations, in internal experiences and in energy losses. A low-energy person shows anger sluggishly - it is rather irritation. A strong person, as a rule, has strong anger. A huge amount of vital energy is expressed, including in attacks of rabies. At the same time, the stronger the outbursts of anger, the greater the energy loss. Frequent anger is comparable to burning money. Anger is like a volcano. The man had energy - and he threw it away. Threw away, usually in excess. AND devastating consequences this multi-tiered, multi-layered:

Circumstantial consequences - sometimes something irreparably changes in life, some fatal words are said, then they regretted it, but nothing can be changed: the job, the person is lost, some wrong decision is made.

At the psychological level, the mood worsens. It seemed that he was dissatisfied and threw out this irritation, but it returned. According to the principle of a boomerang, once thrown out the mental image of anger returns again and again. Like a child that we gave birth to and which affects us in the opposite way.

At the psycho-energetic level, energy is lost. For a while they felt stronger, but then they suddenly became weaker. It's like passing a high voltage current through a conductor rated for low voltage. If you get angry often, the body wears out, all systems destroy their functioning. They are designed for normal operation, and when they are feverish under high voltage too often, energy depletion is inevitable. A person burns, and in the name of completely unfortunate goals.

At the physiological level, there is a powerful release of biochemical reactions - the blood flow changes, hormones play differently, the heart begins to beat with great force. After the outbreak, the brain, heart, and blood function more sluggishly, leaving a whole cemetery of nerve cells.

Too frequent anger sharpens the Ego, makes it furious, vicious. A person throws out flashes of anger, they return to him, as if he feeds on them and cannot eat. And a mastodon grows in the soul, a dragon, an inner vampire, plundering forces. That is, on the one hand, the anger of the Ego sharpens, and on the other, it depletes.

Let's remember the people who could satisfy their anger in any way, uncontrollably - the Roman emperors, the classic version. The Emperor is the son of God. The Roman religion allowed them to do anything. There was no limiter in the form of Christianity. The moral was very questionable. They did whatever they wanted. They came up with more and more sophisticated monstrous things - Caligula, Nero, Deocletian. How did it end? Anger turned against them, they were killed. They were devoured by their own system and ruined Rome - exhausted the emperors themselves and corrupted society, because there was no limiter, self-control. A pathological environment was created that rejected everything healthy.

Frequent anger leads to a chronic state of depression, the rehabilitation period of apathy, anemia is lengthened. If the joy of a person raises, increases the margin of safety, because joy is a life-affirming, filling emotion, then anger is an emotion that devastates. At least for a moment, the Ego enjoys revenge, rage, but the release is greater than the influx of pseudo-positive feelings. Therefore, then devastation follows, a person falls into prostration, no longer receives satisfaction. Conscience begins to torment that something is being done wrong.

Depression is a complex feeling. This is oppression of consciousness, narrowing of consciousness on itself, energy weakening, emotional blackout, uncertainty, doubt. Such a complex complex. An angry person constantly fluctuates between depression and irritation.

AFTER THE FLASH, A COMPLEX OF FEELINGS IS tormented:

Feeling of loss of energy;

Feelings of guilt for having annoyed another person;

Wounded pride, as he caused himself maximum damage;

Depression ruined the situation.

That is, there is an "ebb wave". And these outbreaks, from the point of view of the modern psychosomatic direction of medicine, lead to a huge number of diseases of psychogenic origin, since negative emotions have a subtle connection with the body.

POSSIBLE CONSEQUENCES FOR THE ORGANISM:

problems with teeth;

Disorders of the functions of the gallbladder;

Chronic indigestion;

Hypertension;

Migraine;

Increased risk of accidents.

ANGERERS

Ancient teachings claimed that the tendency to anger is not just a character trait, but also belonging to a certain human type. Hindus believed that all people initially belong to different qualities (gunas) of cosmic matter. Some of them belong to the mode of inertia (tamas), others to the mode of activity (rajas), others to the mode of balance and spiritual wisdom (sattva). People who are prone to anger are rajasic, passionate people. The deepest cause of anger lies in their habit of reacting violently to any disagreements that arise in them at the moment when something in life suddenly does not go as they expected. People accustomed to such a violent reaction could be found in any era among any people and at any rung of the social ladder. When the rulers were angry, they cut off the heads, and when the waves of anger took possession of the slaves, they rebelled. Great people are often prone to outbursts of anger. Let's remember Napoleon, Benvenuto Cellini, Pablo Picasso, Salvador Dali. Anger is quite often a natural feeling of a person, a product of heredity. In this case, this feeling is associated with the peculiarities of the astral body, which has a tendency to an instant violent reaction when a person starts up with a half turn. According to esoteric teachings, the mother gives the astral body to a person. Therefore, in order to understand what a person is and what are the reasons for his anger, it is sometimes useful to look at his mother. The proverb “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” works brilliantly in relation to the hereditary theory of anger. In angry families, people often quarrel because they easily induce each other with outbursts of anger. An angry person is very easily controlled by external stimuli: it is enough for an annoying image to appear on the horizon of his attention, and then his subtle structures begin to get excited and generate energy of irritation that darkens his aura. Of all the chakras that are most subject to the impulse of irritation, one should single out manipura (center of the heart plexus), anahata (heart center) and vishuddha (throat center). Together they form a special astral-energy anomalous zone, over which irritable people quite often form peculiar clouds of anger.

The behavior of a person in certain situations depends on the physiological signs of anger. So, some people blush in danger, others turn pale. Alexander the Great, for example, took only those who blush into warriors. These are brave warriors. For those who turn pale, the blood drains from the face - "the soul goes into the heels." The reaction starts - run. Up to the point that the human body ceases to obey. He is in a panic - does not understand what he is doing, and cannot rush into a fight.

But the bandits, for example, instantly boil up. If you touch this, you are ready to answer with lightning speed. Such a person can be knocked out of himself only by some kind of paradoxical reaction. About this parable about the Buddha and about the robber Angulim. He was a well-known robber in India and considered that such a person as Buddha should not exist, that he confuses the people with his sermons. And so he followed the Buddha and shouted: “Hey, Buddha, stop!”. The Buddha didn't care. "Hey you, Buddha, stop, after all!". The Buddha kept going.

"I'm telling you, stop! Angulim himself speaks to you! All India knows me! The Buddha unexpectedly calmly, half-turning, answered: “But I stopped a long time ago,” continuing to walk. And the robber at this moment - shock, displacement. By his type, he was a man ready for danger, for persecution, for unexpected counter aggression. But not to paradoxical things. He realized that the Buddha was superior to him. Because he himself is not calm, but the Buddha is internally calm. And he became a disciple of the Buddha.

But only a higher Master can curb such an "anger specialist." Such bandits have controlled anger, they deliberately inject themselves into an angry state and pierce in a controlled manner. They know the sore spots, they know where to hit, and they hit - on pride, on children, on physical danger. Prick here - did it work? No? Then - right here! And in the end they find a weak spot. But in this case, it did not work out with the Buddha, and the robber realized that he was not afraid of him and surpassed him.

Success in confronting an unbridled anger depends on the strength of the reaction and on the inner sense of rightness. Castaneda calls it perfection. A well-known example is when bandits attacked a woman and started robbing her, and she said: “Okay, I'll give you everything. Here immediately. And if you delay me even for one minute, I will tear you apart! Or kill me. Because I am in a hurry to the hospital where my son is dying.” She answered with such force that the bandits were taken aback and left her.

ANGER AND TEMPERAMENT

Outbursts of rage are characteristic of a fairly wide range of people - from overly impulsive, chronically prone to forceful methods of persuasion and incapable of self-control "aggressors" to pathologically insecure and only occasionally allowing themselves such antics "quietly".

Immanuel Kant describes the “choleric temperament of a quick-tempered person” as follows: “They say about him that he is hot, flares up quickly, like straw, but with the pliability of others, he soon cools down.

There is no hatred in his anger, and he loves the other the more, the sooner he yields to him.

CHOLERIC: quickly flashes, quickly extinguishes. He must remember his temper with all his being.

PHLEGMATIC PERSON: it starts very slowly, but if it is already wound up, then it is angry for a long time.

MELANCHOLIC: outbursts of anger are not strong, but long, he is afraid to show rage outside, he is not sure of himself.

SANGUINE: manages anger more easily than other types of temperament. Knows how not to go into anger and quickly exit.

PSYCHOLOGICAL TYPES IN ANGER

HYSTEROID PERSONALITY

Hysterical, posing, playful personality (such, for example, Zhirinovsky), is angry for show, acting. He loves to get angry in public, to attract someone else's energy, opinion, auras, energy, he just "baths" in this. It seems to himself the embodiment of honesty, he believes in himself, enters the image, goes to the end. Once I observed a colleague who liked to fall into hysterical anger at meetings, they simply could not stop him, calm him down. He spoke very incendiary, furiously and inwardly admired himself. The play of voice betrayed acting skills: he would pause, look at the reaction - try the border - to what extent can one be angry? As those who know Zhirinovsky say, in public he “winds up” his anger - and at these moments the members of his party are afraid to catch his eye so that no negative decisions are made against them, but in his office he “ lets go” of himself and becomes a much calmer person. Hysteroids are not vindictive. The same Zhirinovsky hates communists, but not because he is vindictive, but simply because he chose them as an object for self-affirmation. He plays for the audience - he likes to bully them, he took such a position, and he likes his own position, that he continues Great White Russia, and denies these "villains".

HOW DANGEROUS IN ANGER? If the interests of the hysteroid are strongly affected, if he manages to connect other people to the scandal, he, of course, can “break through”. Those to whom this does not concern will rather look at the scandal as if it were a circus. Those against whom anger is directed will certainly suffer. Because the hysteroid knows how to attract others to his side and make the victim guilty in the eyes of other people. Good manipulators, hysteroids see the enemy's weak points and press on all pain points at the same time. Therefore, they have a particularly strong effect. Why are they able to hit so hard? They are strong enough and well feel the psychology of another person. The shark, which repeatedly bites the backbone of a smaller fish, learns to do it automatically.

IF YOU ARE ANGRY WITH ISTEROID. React to this calmly, perhaps with humor, because the anger of a hysteroid is often a work for the public. But do not show him your frivolous attitude - he does not like being laughed at. Humiliation in public does not forgive. It is not so much even the interests of the case that are important to him, as long as his personality is not hurt. If you stroke him against the fur, you can become his enemy. If this hysteroid is the boss and gives you a public scolding - sometimes he even needs to play along - agree with him.

HYPERTHYM PERSONALITY

A strong cheerful person, a leader (such is Yeltsin) with initially strong psychological qualities, is very angry, but will not become a slave to his anger. Wherever he is, everywhere he is the boss. He goes ahead, people are grouped around him. Typical director. As, remember, Chernomyrdin: "Well, I'm a director!" But, on the other hand, before Yeltsin, this director quickly became a deputy - he controls very well - who can be growled at, who not. He has strong social control. Do not show yourself weak in anger. He won't even be weak. Got angry, punched, and that's it. It will not take a long time to sort things out, to finish them off. He will release a discharge, and as a big person he will go further from this trifle - he will switch to some business. If there is a protracted struggle, hyperthymia can revive. So Yeltsin perked up in anger. The presence of the enemy mobilized him, gave him a tone, was an incentive. When everything is calm, sluggish, some hyperthyms get bored. He will not be angry for a long time, although he may show rancor.

HOW DANGEROUS IN ANGER? Everyone is afraid of hypertim, as a boss with levers of power. So Yeltsin's entourage was simply terribly afraid of him. The leader's anger is a serious thing, because the group depends on him. He manages to position himself in such a way that his anger penetrates almost everyone. The hysteroid delivers tangible blows due to the fact that it sees through a person, but also experienced hyperthym. "Thick-skinned" hyperthymia does not particularly delve into the nuances, may not notice something. But hyperthym is “thin-skinned” and “dancing”, the attitude of other people towards him becomes suspicious. If he doubts, and his bossy nature is not confirmed, he becomes suspicious and reacts sharply to every nuance.

IF HYPERTHYM IS ANGRY ON YOU. If you are really guilty, it is better to admit your guilt. If his accusations are excessive, admit at least part of the guilt. You don't have to argue with him. The prolonged dispute of some hyperthyms infuriates. Let him let off steam. If you go on a frontal attack, a war and a fight to the death can flare up. Let him speak.

SCHIZOID PERSONALITY

A somewhat reserved person, more of an introvert than an extrovert, inclined to create schemes, more of a theoretician than a practitioner, in politics Yavlinsky more closely matches this image. The schizoid is vindictive, remembers anger for a long, long time. This can be explained by the fact that in childhood, due to their lack of contact and isolation, future schizoids seemed strange to other children, and therefore they were often humiliated. The trauma is so strong that the schizoids remember it for life and, if possible, decide to take revenge on the offenders. It is the schizoid, offended in childhood, who eventually begins to implement the idea of \u200b\u200bfix - to prove to others, to achieve success at any cost, to remember all his offenders, to accumulate an angry feeling. And when the time comes and the schizoid is gaining strength, he, of course, cracks down on former enemies. The schizoid is a box man. In some situations where you need to get angry, he does not get angry. In other situations, he will get angry, but he does not show it right away, and after a while, irritation suddenly pops up, which is not understandable to others, because he has his own logic of releasing anger. Or it happens that he doesn’t get angry - he doesn’t get angry, but if he gets angry, he does something completely inadequate. I witnessed how, as a student, on a collective farm, one guy was teased all the time, and then, when they threw grain, he silently hit the offender on the head with a shovel. He broke his head, the poor fellow was taken to the hospital with a concussion. They hushed up this case, but everyone was shocked by how suddenly he hit, although outwardly the experiences were not noticeable. The schizoid has a deep mental trauma. It would be necessary to work with his injury - to return to it, to work it out, to get rid of it, since it, like a splinter, incites him all the time so that he believes that he is a normal person. Because the schizoid has low self-esteem, and he wants to compensate for it, to take revenge.

HOW DANGEROUS IN ANGER? At first, a schizoid can even be perceived with humor, laugh at him. Whether his anger breaks through depends on whether this schizoid turns out to be strong or weak. If a strong schizoid suddenly shows unexpected rage, people quickly change their reaction from humor to fear. And those who know him take into account that he is vindictive - and fear him.

IF A SCHIZOID IS ANGRY WITH YOU. Be very careful with him. Try to understand the motives, because he is unpredictable, and this unpredictability can pose some kind of threat to you. You need to understand his logic, enter his value system and act on the basis of his "map of consciousness", the standard approach to his anger is inappropriate. Understand if this is a spontaneous outburst or if he has been building up his anger for a long time. If his anger is a danger to you - resist! Only your sheer strength can stop him. If this is a non-dangerous schizoid - wait until his anger "flies past you."

ASTHENIC PERSONALITY

A weak person who does not really know how to get angry. There are no such characters in politics, but Vitsin played such characters in the cinema. He is afraid to get angry, afraid to bring himself into an angry state, because he feels that the boundaries of his anger will hit the boundaries of the anger of other people, and the response will be stronger. Therefore, he initially chooses such roles and such situations in which he will not cause irritation. Might be a joke. Amuses the audience, a little shocking - this role is allowed to him. The blotter from the movie "The meeting place cannot be changed" is a combination of asthenic and hysteroid. He plays for the audience, but is internally weak - you shout at him, and he immediately falls into place.

HOW DANGEROUS IN ANGER? Asthenik cannot get angry to the end, for this he must become strong, holistic, but he is fragmented, weak, and he has sluggish anger. He then, perhaps, will go for a drink and complain to some neighbor. An asthenic's anger is not taken seriously. If he has a tantrum, he can be pitied as an angry weak person. But there are rare moments when an asthenic in anger "grows to himself" - to his highest capabilities, and for some short time "becomes a man." Then it comes as a surprise. How surprised Ostap Bender was when Ippolit Matveich Vorobyaninov exclaimed: “Harggling is inappropriate here!”.

IF ASTENIK IS ANGRY WITH YOU. If it's unjust anger, ignore it. If his anger is justified, agree on something, otherwise the asthenic will be very worried that he was “clicked on the nose” even when he is right. Asthenik is satisfied with an apology, a short explanation, sometimes even silence, and his anger passes. If an asthenic with schizoid features is offended, he may try to take revenge. So the hero of Ostrovsky's play "Dowry" and the film "Cruel Romance" Karamyshev kills Larisa, because he was offended too much. His anger is too great.

epileptoid personality

A strong business executive, the right hyper-punctual boss (such is Mayor Luzhkov). Relatively fair person, clear-cut, living by the rules. It is rather difficult to piss him off, but when angry, he will set the pace. Can get quite angry, but not in the same way as hyperthymia. A punctual, measured epileptoid needs to be driven out for a very long time, like a heavy engine slowly starting. Like the schizoid, he is also vindictive - stuck. As a schizoid and asthenic, he can be angry and remain silent. (The extrovert hysteroid and hyperthym are not silent in anger, since the latter is the leader, and he has no one to restrain his feelings before. Hyperthym is silent for tactical reasons only before an even greater leader.)

HOW DANGEROUS IN ANGER? Those who are angry with the epileptoid are afraid of him. He has selective anger, he does not splash it out on everyone, he knows how to distribute it. If hyperthym touches everyone, scatters everything, the schizoid is selective, but it is not known who will hit, then the epileptoid will be angry at the one who is really to blame.

IF YOU ARE ANGRY WITH EPILEPTOID. Get ready to be patient, because this is usually a long-term anger. Be prepared to give detailed explanations. Answer clearly, he does not perceive emotions, they fly past him. If you are wrong and his anger is justified, then get ready for some kind of decision to follow.

It cannot be said that psychological accentuations strictly intersect with temperament. They intersect, but not rigidly, not one hundred percent. As a rule, an asthenic is rarely sanguine, he is most likely a melancholic. Hyperthymia is either sanguine or choleric. The epileptoid is usually phlegmatic and sanguine; choleric and melancholic - less often. The schizoid is a melancholic or phlegmatic person, and can sometimes show choleric traits. Hysteroid - sanguine, choleric, less often phlegmatic, even less often melancholic. The power of anger depends on the strength of the personality. The larger the person, the stronger his anger, if he does not know how to restrain himself, control himself - those around him get very hard. Let's say hyperthym "breaks through" the asthenic with terrible force. For example, the movie characters Experienced and Trus are members of the same criminal community, and even then the Coward was afraid. And let's imagine a different situation, when Experienced is the boss, and Coward is a subordinate. He can give him a heart attack!

APARTMENT DUELS

ANGER MALE AND FEMALE

MALE ANGER more restrained in form, but heavier. It has a more understandable logic and is suppressed at the level of logic - if something is explained to a man, and this does not directly humiliate his pride, then his anger, as a rule, calms down.

WOMAN'S ANGER associated with external manifestations: with tantrums, screams, with tears. A woman's anger is calmed only by emotions - if she was treated well, so to speak. A big mistake of men when they try to prove something to angry women with the help of logic, and women need sympathy, warmth, and inventing reasons only annoys them. In marriage, just hugging and kissing is enough, and the woman calms down - anger passes. It cannot be said that women are more quick-witted, and men are more vindictive - there are different men and different women. The tactics of overcoming anger in men and women are different.

It is customary for women to call a friend, vent their anger. If she has found a companion, her anger may pass.

In men, the effects of anger are more long-term and harmful. He exploded, uttered, and then carries it in himself - a direct path to the clinic of neuroses. It all depends on how the anger turned out to be realized - whether this outburst led to the result he wanted or not. If not, it is very difficult, and it is with much greater difficulty that he frees himself from the consequences of anger.

MARRIAGE ANGER

Very common. It can be associated with a divergence of interests, with competition, with a struggle for power, or with a lack of complimentarity, when someone, in the opinion of another, does not love enough or does not emphasize enough outwardly his love. This causes resentment, negative emotions, conflicts. In such a field of discontent, a spark of anger is very easily born. Such explosive anger with a cry and discontent is characteristic of hysteria and hyperthymia. Asthenik, perhaps, would like to be angry, but he will rather ask. The schizoid will be silent, but at some point he will do something completely unexpected. He has a certain “deafness” - at first he will seem to not notice that he is not being given enough love: maybe he will close even more, go to work, become more dry. This is not some kind of game - it is natural for him to “crawl into the shell”, close even more so as not to feel disadvantaged. The epileptoid will prove his case for a long time - consistently, point by point, substantiate - his anger will be with logic, with punctuality, he is rarely explosive, rather irritable.

FATHERS AND SONS

Parents who are accustomed to full control of the family boat and alternately sharing a seat at the helm cannot accept the changes that come with older children. The offspring begin to be bold, help less around the house, and demand more, bring rhythms and street traditions into the housing space. In addition, the tension associated with the struggle of two life programs (usually a parent's work program and a teenager's entertainment consumer program) is exacerbated by the feeling of ingratitude that parents feel. “I killed for so many years on you, worried, pulled, tried to put you on your feet, bring you to the people, I paid money for the institute, but what happened as a result ?!” - the mother of an overgrown son exclaims in despair, who is expelled from the institute for regular absences and poor progress. But in response - an impudent grin and offensive words: “I didn’t ask you to give birth to me!” But the strongest is same-sex anger. As a rule, the son attacks the father, as a more unrestrained being - in response to criticism of the father or to the position of the father. He answers, and there is a strong collision. And a spark arises between mother and daughter. It seems to the mother that her daughter does not listen to her, does stupid things, does not love her - this is how selfish mothers react. After all, anger, by and large, is always associated with the Ego program. There is no confirmation of love, the daughter demonstrates insubordination - why on earth? If it sparks between mother and daughter, it is necessary to find out - did the mother really not offend her daughter in childhood? It is necessary to return to these situations, live them, speak deeply, outline a plan for an exit and make the daughter an ally. Find the right words and become an older sister, a friend for your daughter. Look for internal resources in yourself to unite with your daughter.

SON-IN-LAW AND MOT-IN-LAW, BRIE-FLOW AND MOT-IN-Law

There are many stories and anecdotes about the “warm” relationship between son-in-law and mother-in-law, but in order to imagine how acute conflicts can reach, it is better to turn to the real situation. Once a civilian pilot, driven by his mother-in-law to despair, chose a time when in his wooden house, located on the outskirts of the city, there was no wife or daughter, but, according to his assumption, there should have been a mother-in-law, he lifted his plane into the air, flew to the house and fell on it. He hated his mother-in-law so much that he was ready to destroy her at the cost of his own life. Of course, the plane exploded, the house was destroyed, the unfortunate son-in-law died. He would probably have been even more unhappy at the time of his death if he had known that his hellish plan had turned out to be in vain - half an hour before the explosion, the mother-in-law, who was usually at home, obeying a strange voice of fate, left for another part of the city. But same-sex anger is even stronger, so mother-in-law and daughter-in-law surpass even the “duet” of son-in-law and mother-in-law. The intensity and frequency of conflicts and quarrels between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law is due to the fact that this is not a clash of two women, but an enmity that is an order of magnitude greater than male and female-male. In addition, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law quite often do the same thing in the family - housekeeping, because their interests constantly clash, unlike the son-in-law and mother-in-law, who have one woman in common, who is both wife and daughter. An irritated person secretes a certain psychic poison, which Agni Yoga calls imperil. If people often swear, the imperil hangs in space and already affects the situation itself. Where are the most common fights in the family? In the kitchen - this is a zone of increased aggression, anger. If you do not feed the overgrown empire, then after a while the atmosphere itself begins to provoke a scandal. How to get rid of imperil? To saturate the space with positive vibes, consciously and persistently. As they say in psychology - to replace conflictogens with synthons - reactions colored with positive feelings, compliments. Decorate the interior - beauty saves. Daniil Granin described how he once got into Kosygin's office and felt something familiar and very heavy in the atmosphere, although Kosygin personally was well disposed towards him. “Yes,” said Kosygin, “this is His office.” Stalin's office. Naturally, one can imagine how much is layered in these offices. And in the rooms too.

"NORTHERN" AND "SOUTHERN" FIGHTING TACTICS

Different cultures deal with anger in different ways. Southerners, as a rule, throw out anger outward, turning it into noisy, annoyed words or threatening gestures, while northerners prefer to restrain themselves, driving an unpleasant emotion into the basements of the subconscious.

By the way, popular psychological methods of dealing with anger are based on these two tactics - "northern" and "southern". Some experts say that it is better to restrain negative emotions, including anger, without giving them free rein, and then you can gradually pull yourself together. Others advise releasing anger to the surface as soon as it appears in the soul, even in small quantities. If there is no way to throw out irritation on the offender, then, as Western psychologists recommend, you can relieve tension by beating a pillow or your own sofa.

Seriously, neither the path of total containment of anger, nor the path of ejection of this emotion outwardly seems to me personally convincing and helping to solve the problem. No matter how you suppress the negative feeling, it will still burst to the surface and sooner or later will break out, like a genie from a bottle, manifesting itself in a new outburst of rage. After all, outwardly holding back, a person continues to bubbling inside. In addition, this mental poison works against his health. This standard civility, which is maintained, politically correct, is just a flair, an appearance, and has nothing to do with a real victory over anger. The strategy must be completely different. "Blowing off steam" is another misguided trend. Anger cannot be weakened by “discharging” it on some inanimate object - breaking a cup or throwing a pillow into a corner. In fact, such an act only exacerbates irritation and rage. Both ways proposed by modern psychology are ineffective. It is more correct to conduct a strategy of removal from anger.

STRATEGY WITHDRAWAL FROM ANGER

It is harmful to suppress anger in oneself and it is harmful to release it uncontrollably. The Buddhist tradition proposes to approach the problem of liberation from anger not tactically (then its quick return is inevitable), but strategically, with the help of a deep awareness of the meaninglessness of the anger reaction.

On the outer level, it is better not to throw out anger, but to turn it into polite signals - "I don't like the way you behave."

At the inner level, observe how this volcano bubbles, separate from it and gradually extinguish it. Observe, understand, realize the meaninglessness of anger, treat it as an extraneous being inside oneself. And since this is an outsider who occupies territory within us and periodically begins to dictate his conditions to us, then we need to limit his influence and, if possible, win completely. To do this, you need to stop "feeding" him. How it's done?

The art of conscious observation is one of the most important methods of a person's work on himself in general and with anger in particular. A close observation of the dark cloud of irritation and a deep understanding of its illusory nature, obscuring the consciousness, kills anger best, this method cuts it right to the root. What is an outburst of anger? This is when our "angry Self" expanded, filled us, and we identified with it. And they themselves became angry. And only anger. That benevolent attitude that we sometimes experienced towards our neighbors, we forgot at that moment. It's like stepping into a black thundercloud. As if we were flying on a plane through a clear sky, and then suddenly entered a cloud with sparkling lightning! And they identified themselves with a flash of lightning, they themselves became this flash. At the same time, identifying with anger, we feed the “angry self” with the energy of our “positive self”. Therefore, we must learn to look at the "angry I" point-blank, as a kind of cloud that has nothing to do with us. You need to track it in advance, even at the approaching stage, as soon as you notice pre-storm moments.

To all the arguing spouses who come to me, I teach the art of preventing conflict at an early stage. When the spouses have already given each other in the literal or figurative sense, it is much more difficult to stop and move on to a civilized language.

Therefore, you need to notice anger at an early stage in yourself and in the partner who provokes you. Anticipate impending irritation, like an approaching black cloud, and mentally say something like this: “It's not me! This is an external dark force. I don't let her in! I don't identify with her. I am calm, firm, strong, confident, I do not want to get annoyed. I want to keep a sense of peace. Go away! You can shorten the words by repeating dozens of times: "Peace and tranquility" or simply: "Calm down, calm down."

It is necessary not only to extinguish in oneself, but to observe the emotion of anger point-blank, without giving a single drop of energy to irritation. If you keep a close eye on an emotion, it dissolves. Since your internal energy does not fall into this emotion, and it remains without recharge.

IT IS EASY TO LOVE US WHITE, LOVE US BLACK

Simultaneously with the ability to track the approach of anger and observe one's emotions, one must cultivate in oneself the opposite moral and psychological quality - a stable, good-natured calm, filled with strength and confidence from the inside.

It is necessary to develop an inner breadth of view, a benevolent attitude towards other people, an awareness of their right to be themselves. You will have to agree that a significant part of what other people do, how they think, react, is not what you want. Because it's true for you too. People also want something from you. If everyone were intolerant, there would be a daily war with heavy losses.

It is important to maintain in oneself not just calm neutrality, but a sense of joy, to cultivate in oneself a new beginning, more positive, joyful, bright. If you constantly maintain this feeling in yourself, you just won’t want to give it away. It's too good for you to just exchange your harmony for a bazaar showdown.

You have angry and benevolent subpersonalities: it is necessary that the kind one becomes larger, expands the area, and the angry one decreases accordingly. Cultivate in yourself a feeling of love, openness, not only when it is your way, but when it is not your way. As Dostoevsky said: "It's easy to love us as whites, love us as blacks."

Your parents loved you. Agree that parents often love children more than children love their parents. In children, love is transferred to their children. And to parents gratitude, as a rule, is minimal. If you want your children to be at least partially grateful to you, try to start by cultivating a sense of love, respect, warmth for your parents. Because the feeling of love for people begins with the feeling of love for parents. Parents are the first images of the world - male and female. Archetypal images of the divine father and divine mother. Having achieved at least once positive result, try to fix in the mind and give an attitude to reconciliation. Mentally tell yourself: “There are no conflicts that I can’t handle.” Try not to attract the poisonous psychic virus of conflicts into relationships with your neighbors. Develop intuition to feel the approach of anger in advance, and as soon as you feel that the air "smells of fried", immediately take a position of pacifying power.

VICTORY OVER ANGER

TIPS FOR HYSTEROIDS: Realize that sometimes when you work for the public, you hurt yourself. Learn to be self-sufficient, depend less on other people, work less for the public. Think not about the effect produced, but about the essence of the issue.

TIPS FOR HYPERTHYMS: measure the strength of anger. Your anger can "pierce", destroy. Learn to respect other people, be more restrained in your reactions.

TIPS FOR SCHIZOIDS: get rid of vindictiveness, learn not to keep experiences in yourself, but tell someone about them, share - let off steam. Because you are like an overheated boiler with a permanently closed lid - large vapors have already accumulated there. Pour out your soul, consult - come out of the shell. Do not accumulate anger - if you are unhappy with something, express it, but in the correct form. It will be better than hiding, remembering anger, so that later, at an unexpected moment, it breaks through.

ADVICE FOR ASTHENICS: become psychologically stronger, more balanced, more stable so that your anger is adequate. A person who gets a little angry when other people are clearly wrong, who does not know how to get angry, looks rather unconvincing. If you are angry, then be angry so that others feel it. Stop apologizing when you're angry. But do not allow intemperance - the words spoken by the "godfather" Don Corleone belong to asthenics and hysteroids: "Never utter those threats that you really cannot carry out." Because if you did it and did not carry it out, you seem to sink lower than before the threat.

ADVICE FOR EPILEPTOIDS: do not be boring in your anger, do not disclose the entire list - speak more briefly. Be fairer, more reasonable and restrained, as you tend to lose your mind in anger and emit an uncontrollable verbal stream.

CONTROL THE VOLCANO!

So, to sum up everything that needs to be said about the fight against anger in oneself and protection from it, whether it manifests itself in relation to us or whether we experience it within ourselves.

Observe your own habit of reacting angrily in various situations: study your anger in all its manifestations, track it, try to understand its cause.

Mentally separate your observing "I" from anger, as from a dark energy formation, as if telling him: "It's not me!". Resolve not to give in to this destructive habit, and therefore not to identify with it in any way.

At the slightest appearance, even slight sign of an angry reaction, take the position of an active observer who looks behind this negative feeling, as if behind a distant cloud in the sky, mentally pushing this cloud of anger to leave the arena of consciousness.

If you are angry and you need to respond to your opponent, take a 10-15 second pause, during which you can mentally count to ten or watch your own breathing, and then, making sure that you have calmed down and the anger has gone, answer.

Remember that you must not just fight anger, as with a negative habit, but try to eliminate its cause.

Work on your muscle clamps to overcome stereotypical anger reactions on a physical level - this will make it easier to defeat anger on a spiritual level.

Defeat anger by constantly attuning yourself to a good-natured, but internally strong and resilient calmness in order to learn to look at the world with different eyes.

PSYCHO TRAINING FOR ANGERS

There is a whole "bouquet" of methods associated with relaxation, with the relaxation of the muscles of the body, since the emotions of irritation and anger are impossible when the muscles are completely relaxed. Trained people can work wonders. I know a number of cases when, after a few weeks of such training, people became almost invulnerable. Former neuroses, stresses, psychological complexes, which are fertile ground for the emergence of anger, faded into the background, giving way to confidence, strength, calmness, balance, a sense of freedom. Do exercises in the same rhythm as if you were doing autogenic training: 10-15 minutes a day. At one time, you can try to do no more than 2-3 exercises, each for about 5 minutes. The most suitable time for training is in the morning after charging and in the evening. Just not too late, so as not to get overexcited before bed. Once you learn how to do these exercises in the quiet and solitude of your own home, you'll find that you can do them on the go as well.

RELAXATION

Training the ability to properly relax, relieve tension and stress is best done while sitting. Close your eyes, observe your breath for a few seconds, and then, as vividly as possible, imagine that a fresh, invigorating stream of pure cool energy flows from top to bottom, from your face to your feet and toes, gradually penetrating through the pores of your body. At the same time, it gently refreshes, relieves tension and relaxes the muscle clamps that you feel in the body. If some part of the body does not relax and the flow of energy does not pass through it, you need to concentrate even more. Apply the principle of the pendulum: after observing the condition of the muscles throughout the body, select the main clamp, tighten it even more, and then slowly release it. Repeat the exercise until you feel a living, relaxing energy flowing through your body. Having passed this energy through all parts of the body, achieve complete relaxation. Try to be as bright as possible figurative form imagine and physically feel how the energy of fatigue and tension through the soles of the feet leaves the body into the ground and disappears.

RELAXATION WITH THE WORD

Relaxation can be accompanied by a mental representation, repeating the formula: "The body relaxes, the face relaxes, the neck relaxes, the torso relaxes, the legs relax." Carefully fix: how the muscles of the face and neck, chest and back, lower back and abdomen, hips and calves soften and warm. If you find clips, stop. Then gently but persistently continue repeating the formula.

RELAXING IMAGES

In the future, when relaxation becomes easier, you can change the image of a warm air wave to any other: the heat of a sunbeam, the flow of water, warm evaporation from the earth, warm energy. Achieve complete relaxation and carefully record all kinds of sensations. Gradually complicate the images with plots that involve participation: you are on the beach, at a mountain spring, in a forest clearing.

LEARN EMOTIONAL TONE

More carefully than before, peer into your own mood with your inner vision. Ask: How are you feeling right now? Are there negative emotions? What are they caused by? Stronger or weaker than the positive ones? What people and circumstances influenced you the most? Ask questions, allowing emotions to flow freely and easily, without inhibiting their expression. Stop the emotional flow at some point by taking a mental photograph. With the help of an internal observer, carefully look at the photo to better understand the essence of the emotional sphere and determine what needs to be changed and what should be abandoned.

"ERASING" THE EMOTION OF ANGER

Having identified the emotion of anger, catch the most characteristic muscle clamps associated with it. Try to “dissolve” them by directing your attention there and making a few microscopic movements with this muscle group. By “erasing” the muscle pattern of negative feelings, you weaken their emotional strength, extracting repressed energy from them, which helps to get rid of anger.

POSITIVE EMOTIONAL MEMORY

Choose any positive feeling - joy, love, delight, admiration. Recall any situation in the past during which you experienced this feeling most vividly. Imagine it as clearly as possible in all the details and images and mentally transport yourself into it. Then try to penetrate into the psychological atmosphere of the situation, permeated with the energy of the chosen feeling. Try to take it out of the context of the past situation and pass it through your soul in its purest form.

For greater sharpness and experience, you can imagine the feeling in the form of some attractive image or colored substance that permeates every cell of your consciousness. Then, having brought the experience to the top, hold it at this level, try to make it a permanent emotional background, a sense of self, a property of the soul.

MENTAL REWRITING

Let's say the same repetitive situation pisses you off. Call up a mental image of the situation and scroll through the episode in your mind that causes unpleasant emotions. Once again, review everything that you don’t like and annoy. And then try to mentally “rewrite” this episode in a positive way and imagine, for example, that you are watching a funny movie with a happy ending or a comedy. Do this several times and ensure that the episode is not associated with a negative feeling. Try to bring the movie to life and behave easily and confidently, without fear and discontent.

Uncontrolled outbursts of anger can be very dangerous both for the person himself and for the people around him.

Causes of anger attacks

Anger is a short-term madness that expresses the inner state of a person. His anxiety and inability to cope with the problem accumulates and results in various disorders that provoke anger. This provocation can be caused by both internal and external factors.

Internal problems:

depression,
lack of sleep
hunger,
chronic fatigue,
imbalance of brain functions, etc.

External problems are all environmental factors that a person does not like (someone's act, sudden rain, traffic jam, etc.).

Anger attacks - symptoms

The danger of uncontrolled anger

Often, sudden outbursts of anger pass as quickly as they came, but the person remains guilty and damaged relationships with others. This further complicates the situation, as a person can become depressed, which again can provoke unreasonable anger.

Of course, a specialist should treat uncontrolled anger, but for a start it would be nice to understand yourself. It is necessary to understand the causes of outbreaks: the fast pace of life, dissatisfaction with work, overwhelming workloads. Perhaps eliminating these causes can solve the problem. After all, no doctor can help if, after successful therapy, a person returns to the same negative environment.

What causes uncontrollable outbursts of anger

Harm to physical health. They can cause diabetes, immune and cardiovascular diseases.
Affects mental health. Thinking, attention and memory suffer.
Hurts career. If a person proves his point of view in an aggressive manner, this does not add anything to his authority. Colleagues and management have a negative attitude towards squabbles and proceedings in the workplace.
Destroys interpersonal relationships. Angry outbursts and hurtful words leave scars in the hearts of the offended. The basis of a successful relationship is trust and calmness, and sudden outbursts of anger can cross it all out in one moment.

Ways to deal with uncontrollable anger

When tired from stress, it is necessary to reduce the pace of life. A person needs rest, its lack can result in uncontrollable anger. In this case, you need to postpone all business and relax.

Anger attacks symptoms and their treatment
If you can not adhere to these rules, you need to learn how to control bouts of anger.

A good way was invented by the Japanese, who learned how to vent strong anger not on people, but on stuffed animals. Any office worker who is dissatisfied with his superiors can beat a scarecrow and thus get rid of negative emotions. Perhaps this method will suit you, and the stuffed animal will perfectly replace the punching bag. Also try not to keep irritation in yourself, accumulating, it can pour out at the most inopportune moment. And a person in anger - one has only to look at the photo - becomes unpleasant and can alienate others.