How to end a relationship with a married woman. How to build a relationship with a married man

Relationships with married men have become commonplace in the 21st century. According to statistics, over 70% of women try to build relationships with men who have legal wives. But the situation may not always be in their favor. A man's opinion can change at any moment, he can go back to his wife, or simply stop making contact.

This issue is often dealt with by psychologists, who are visited daily by patients who have experienced the hardships of relationships with married people. What does it threaten? Can there be a successful outcome? We will try to answer all questions throughout this article.

First of all, romance married man it's a responsibility. Such relationships are concluded on the mountain of a third party, namely, the legal wife. Exists folk proverb“You can’t build your own happiness on someone else’s happiness.” In this situation, it will be the most appropriate. Of course, there are exceptions when such a romance arises by mutual agreement and the parties know what they are getting into. But most often, this is only a temporary attraction with unknown final results.

Can such a novel end in success?

Maybe. Often they choose a woman on the side, starting from new surging feelings, a variety of sensations. It is difficult to say what it is based on (kinship of souls, an intimate plan, or simply the opposite of a wife), but over time this may also change. Now you are the wife, and he is again looking for a replacement for you. How to see a losing romance ahead of time:

Ambiguity. The man is in constant thought, running between two fires. In such a case, the choice will be made in favor of the wife, because this is a companion that has already been tested by life.

Lack of trust. It’s a common thing when people don’t get along in character, or just life ruined everything. Take a look at your man. After all, maybe he is looking for temporary relationships without obligations that do not force him to anything.
The initiative is only sexual. If a man is only interested in you as a sexual partner, this is the end without a beginning. Immediately cut off all contacts, in the future, such a romance will end extremely badly.
But, even realizing the reality, many women go to the end. They are looking for any methods and ways to keep a married man.

Is it possible to tie a married person to you?

Again, an ambiguous answer. If the stronger sex has a powerful will, it is unlikely to be able to keep him near you. In choosing his new companion (if the romance seems serious), the male sex is very courteous. They judge not only by appearance and mindset, but also by the household plan, intimate connection and many other factors. Of course, there are several options for how this can be done, namely:

Try to be his closest person. If he opened up to you, and was able to completely trust, success is guaranteed. Men rarely admit their weaknesses or share difficulties. Basically, they keep everything to themselves. If he regards you as a reliable, dear person, the remaining choice will be yours.
Don't pressure him. As a rule, men leave families because of strong pressure from their spouses. Become his friend, adviser, be submissive. For a man, the main thing is support and mutual understanding.
Always leave the final choice to him. He should feel at ease in your romance, feel a whole new horizon of feelings and emotions.
Don't reveal the romance. Try to be in the shadows, but until the winning moment. As soon as a man is ready to choose you, immediately declare yourself. He must see that his chosen one is not afraid of the consequences, and is ready for all possible difficulties.
These are just a few options How to try to keep a man near you. It is difficult to generalize all cases, because it is not always the woman who initiates the continuation of the novel. But what to do if a man chose marriage instead of you? How to stop loving a married man? Psychologists have been able to answer this question.

How to exclude a man from your life?

Every psychologist, throughout their practice, had repeated victims of an unsuccessful romance. The women were practically in a state of apathy, they rejected the reality and the fact of the event that had already happened. As a rule, this is a blow not only to feelings, but also to pride. Potentially, a woman out of wedlock and a lawful wife are seen as rivals.

Grand Prize- a place near a beloved man. The losing side feels humiliated, broken, betrayed. In exceptional cases, there has been a complete rejection of life, suicide attempts, or insanity. What can be done to avoid this situation:

Break all relationships. This past. We need to move forward. Exclude all contacts, just forget about his existence. Remove from prominent places photographs or things reminiscent of a recent romance. Just make yourself believe that this is not the end at all, but a new beginning.
Don't plot. Who is to blame for the fact that the choice was not in her favor? That's right, the wife. As a rule, outcast women begin to intrigue in every possible way, trying to destroy family life. Appoint personal meetings, send joint photos on social networks or in other ways try to make themselves known. No need to do this! Revenge is a destructive and devastating feeling. Even if the marriage is destroyed, it will not brighten up life in any way.
Make new friends, improve your life. Go on a journey, fulfill a cherished dream. Do not rush to establish a new relationship.
If you stick to all these points, you can stop loving a man, even if the romance was very expensive.

Summing up

An affair with a married man is a double-edged sword. This is a relationship without guarantees, and, as a rule, without a possible future. Psychologists have their own opinion on this matter. They believe that it is not immoral, but unnatural. But if a woman decided to thoroughly climb into this pool with her head, she will need the advice of a psychologist.

Do not allow strong attachment if you are not sure about the partner. In this case, it will be easier to survive separation. The novel should be taken as a temporary attraction, if there are no hints of its further continuation.
If the beloved is really yours, it is worth going to the bitter end. Conquer it by any means, happiness is worth fighting for.
Do not destroy strong family ties. A husband who often remembers his wife, especially bright and pleasant moments, really loves her. Let him go, and if possible, reconcile with your wife. That will be better for everyone.
In general, there is only one thing to add. Always soberly assess the situation, do not take drastic and unexpected measures, leave the right to choose for a man and listen not only to your ambitions, but also to your mind. Time and action will put everything in its place.

Remember heartfelt melodrama Avdotya Smirnova "Communication"? The story of the heroes of the film - Nina ( Anna Mikhalkova) and Ilya ( Mikhail Porechenkov) is as old as the world, but no less relevant. Ilya lives in Moscow, Nina lives in St. Petersburg. He has a beautiful wife and daughter, she has an artist husband and son. Ilya and Nina have an affair that began as a banal connection. She loves her husband very much, so she dreams of polyandry, Ilya also values his family, and dreams of polygamy. As a result, it turned out that the heroes have great love. There are not many options for the final. Although...

We all often make mistakes. Sometimes it seems to us that love will overcome all obstacles, so we need to get involved in it up to our ears, and at least the grass does not grow there. Therefore, an affair with a married man is a fairly common occurrence in the lives of women. But, by and large, this is a hopeless adventure with a 99% failure. Why is it better to run away from busy men and preferably immediately?

1. There is no future

Almost every “married man” will tell you sentimental stories about his wife, who is sick with an incurable disease that he cannot leave, about “the youngest will grow up - and we, beloved, will be together”, about “do not worry, we have been sleeping with her for 20 years in different rooms, and so on.

All this is a lie and "noodles on the ears." Because if a man wants to leave for another woman, he takes it and leaves, no matter what. Because he understands that living with a woman he does not love and cheating on her is 100 times worse than leaving her and giving her a chance to meet a normal loving man.

2. Pangs of conscience

Of course, there are situations when women have no conscience. Then you can skip this item. But in most cases, it still exists and often reminds of itself with remorse. Therefore, having sex with a married man, one way or another, you will be ashamed, and every time you will come up with a million excuses for what you have done, that “this is love!”, Or “this is just sex”, or “it's his fault, I have nothing to do with it." Self-deception of this kind can work several times, but as the situation drags on, the anvil of shame will become harder and harder. That is, your relationship and "great love" will bring more discomfort than joy. Something's not right here, doesn't it?

3. Waste of time

If you are still not married, but really want to get there, then you should not waste time on already “there” men. You are wasting a lot of time, emotions, health, youth and beauty on a completely hopeless story, while a man, in general, will not lose anything, but will only gain, by the way, for you. This one-sided game will end with your own defeat, and you are unlikely to wait for a prize in the form of an engagement ring and an oath at the altar. When you do realize that there is nothing to catch here, it may be too late. Much has been missed, the rating has fallen, and the vitality has diminished. And the ring right finger is still ring finger.

Frame from the film "Communication"
4. Expectations and longings

A man busy with another woman will not be able to spend the whole weekend with you, spend the night next to you every night, and also go on vacation to the ocean, because there is only one vacation, and two children. Calls, SMS and other communication will occur only when it is convenient for him. The rest of the time, you are unlikely to have the opportunity to freely call him at 3 in the morning with an offer to meet the dawn on the embankment, and he is unlikely to have the opportunity to keep you company. And such inconsistencies will concern everything: in order to avoid publicity and “protecting his wife” from unnecessary information, he will not introduce you to friends, family, take you to his company’s events, and so on. Therefore, most of the time that you spend without it, you will be in a state of constant expectation.

5. tainted karma

Admit it, would you like your husband to cheat on you? I think no. But, you know about the boomerang law - what we do returns to us. All the pain, resentment, suffering that we inflict on others will return sooner or later, and most often in a worse version. In this regard, becoming a mistress, you project into the future that the same situation is quite possible with you, only there you will already be a wife ... The simple rule of life "do not do what you do not want to happen to you" unquestioningly works . And if one or two times you can be lucky in your youth, then you should not flatter yourself, because it will not always be so. And the boomerang will return.

Do not be shy to find out the marital status of a man already during the first dates. Of course, no one prevents him from lying, but usually, if you ask a question at the most inopportune moment and in the forehead, then the lie will be noticeable by reaction. So you will get the exact answer - is it worth continuing the relationship with this wonderful single man or finishing without starting, so as not to suffer later for a much longer period.

A complex, ambiguous, and very individual issue is a relationship with a married man. Such relationships are not new in modern society They have always been, and most likely will continue to exist. Let's try to understand the difficult motivation of a free woman and an unfree man.

When two people meet, it is not known whether this is an accident or fate. There was only a sincere attraction in the physical and spiritual sense. For a free woman, this always means something more than for a married man, because he already has a woman with whom he shares a house, bed, worries, problems, worries, salary, after all. Even if family relationships have become obsolete, not many men decide to leave a broken family. Leaving the comfort zone (albeit not prosperous in any way), force a man to lie to himself, his wife, lover, friends. So, why does a married man need a relationship on the side?

The search for a new feeling, emotions and sensations - fresh, sincere, psychologically easy.
Satisfaction in the sexual aspect, the search for a new partner to diversify sexual life.
The need will assert itself at the expense of a young, beautiful mistress.
Find an outlet, the exact opposite of a wife.
Find a girl to keep; give a birth to a baby; meet the needs of both.
The lack of high moral principles relate to the motivation of such consensual relationships.

Why does a free woman need a relationship with a married man?

Fell in love. If feelings have appeared, the status of a beloved man does not matter, loneliness is worse.
material interest. If a married man is ready and able to provide a comfortable life.
Fear of taking responsibility for one's own and someone else's life, starting a family, having children. Fear of serious relationships, personal beliefs, or complexes.
Out of interest and curiosity, having an affair with a married man whom he sees only at its best for short periods of time, without spending enough time with him to bore him, and the relationship never goes beyond the "honeymoon" phase. It's a constant rush of endorphins and adrenaline - so hard to resist.
Strange as it may seem, a woman is also trying to assert herself at the expense of a married chosen one. If he is influential, rich, handsome.

Who wins in such a relationship - a free woman or a married man? The answer is obvious. A married man, if not by much, but he wins. And that's why.

A woman (if she sincerely loves her chosen one) is in constant expectation. Every woman dreams of being the only one for her beloved. During such a relationship, her needs grow (material, the realization of motherhood, and others), she loses precious time, youth. Receives a minimum from a relationship with a married man: hours and days spent together, limited material support (while the wife receives more). As a result, she meets a man who himself does not know what he wants or is afraid to make a man's decision.

The man has almost nothing to lose. He is married, he has children (child), house, car, job (ideally). There is a lover - and this is a new relationship, a rich sex life, an outlet, an energy boost, meaning, satisfaction and pleasure. Of course, no relationship is perfect. A man suffers in his own way: if he is looking for a new feeling, then the old one has become unbearable (but expensive, like memory and habit). In addition, he lies (and makes his mistress lie). This is not courageous and dangerous.

It is difficult to understand the relationship between two people, because often they are ruled by sincere feelings, fears, desires, impulses and love, as old as the world.

Psychologist's advice to women having an affair with a married man

1. Respect yourself

A married man can give you a lot of attention, expensive gifts, but this will never be his true attitude towards you, because he already has a family. Ask yourself why you are accepting the "crumbs" thrown to you by this person. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love and a real love relationship.

2. He most likely won't leave his wife.

Realize that despite the fact that he tells you that he does not love his wife, he does not leave her. It's time for you to move forward, otherwise you will just lose part of your life on hold for a married man. He not only stole your heart, he stole your brain!

3. Remember, he has a family.

Will the fact that he has children affect you, and even if he leaves the family, this will create many problems for him and for you. It's easier to break up with him.

4. Don't settle for a relationship with a married man.

Why are you content with the role of mistress? You a beautiful woman, and it's amazing that you fell in love with a man who devotes himself not only to you. You should be doing

5. Don't let judgment influence you.

Most people will judge you, but that's not the point. You must end your relationship for yourself, not to please someone else. You must respect yourself enough to find a person who will only be with you.

6. End your relationship with a married man today.

Cut all ties. Change your phone number or block it so it can't reach you. It's hard to do and it hurts, but just think that he is fooling you, and the further you go, the more you will worry. It is better to end the relationship earlier, get sick and start dating new men. It's time to move on and find a real relationship. Eventually, you will be able to meet a person and fall in love with someone who is willing to put you first in their life.

7. Don't trust him.

Even if he decides to leave his wife for you, consider if he cheated on her, what makes you think he won't cheat on you? If you are not 100% sure that he will treat you differently than his wife, then you will have serious trust issues. Keep in mind that you only know what he tells you. You already know that he is a liar because he is cheating on his wife. How can you be sure that you are not mere entertainment?

8. Get help if it's a trend.

If you only fall in love with married men, you need to figure out how to stop this misguided trend. Perhaps you should visit a psychologist or go to clubs for singles.

9. Don't blame yourself.

Even if you think a married man is the love of your life, don't blame yourself that you did something wrong with him and that's why he doesn't want to stay with you. He is just married, he is comfortable there, and he is not going to destroy his marriage. For real loving man I wouldn't put you on the sidelines.

10. Remember, he is not what you think of him.

You may think that he is the kindest and most loving person in the world, but it cannot be true if he is ready to deceive his wife. Yes, he may treat you well now, but that may change in the future.

11. Don't be selfish.

If he has children, would you like to destroy their opinion of him forever. Ask yourself if your love is worth the broken heart of a child.

12. Ask yourself if you are really happy.

When you have to hide your relationship all the time, does that make you happy? When you have to spend one weekend, holidays and cold nights - does it make you happy?

When starting an affair with a married man, a woman most often does not think about how much pain and disappointment this relationship can bring to her. Perhaps the advice of a psychologist will help you make the right choice.

No matter what morality, foundations and norms of behavior dictate to us, relationships outside of marriage have always existed. In harsh puritanical England and at the merry court of Louis XIV, women and men equally recklessly fell in love, without bothering to first check whether the subject of passion had a soul mate. And then they suffered, were jealous, tormented by doubts ... But in most cases the result was the same, and two people who met at the wrong time parted forever. And you were not spared by this bowl? Well, let's look for the least painful ways out of the impasse.

Why do we get into a relationship with a married man

About why men have affairs on the side, psychologists have written masses of scientific treatises and will write as many more. Here and the desire to unwind from the family routine. And a midlife crisis, when a mistress is a means for a husband to prove to himself that he is "still hoo." And the pursuit of sensations is a slight “peppercorn”, the danger of being caught adds spice to the relationship, which has not been felt in insipid family life for a long time. Yes and in sincere feelings no one refuses the strong sex. Indeed, it happens: the old love is gone, the new one shone on the horizon ... And yet, a man rarely regards an affair as something serious with far-reaching consequences..

With women, it's the other way around. We leave aside the young “sharks”, aimed at picking up a wealthy sponsor and squeezing as much material wealth as possible out of him - from the first days of communication, they perfectly understand what they are getting into, and do not need the help of a psychologist. We are talking about ordinary, “average” women who are ready to remain in the status of a mistress for years, be content with humiliating secret dates and spend lonely evenings in front of the TV while a man returns home to his legal wife and children. Why are they going for it?

What is serious for a woman can be regarded by a man as an accidental affair.

Love. Feelings are not in vain compared with strong wine: it hit the head, swirled, completely turned off logic along with the ability to reason coldly and sensibly ... And neither the wife nor the children seem to be an obstacle. How, you have “the very thing, the real one”! Who better than women to know what intoxication with feelings is?
Fear of being alone. When time passes, and the long-awaited prince is hopelessly lost somewhere on the way to you, it begins to seem that it’s better to have some man nearby than no one at all. Maybe it will turn out...
"His family has long been a fiction." And here the Don Juans themselves are already trying, painting in colors to the naive listener the woeful details of their life. And with a wife, they have long been like neighbors, and only children connect them, and in general a trip to the registry office for a divorce is just around the corner, that's just ... Well, then follows a set of reasons, which is determined by the wealth of imagination of each individual man - from “wait until the kids grow up” to the unknown illness of the wife, who is not a man to leave alone in such a situation.

Reasons to break up: pros and cons

Or maybe it's not necessary to break off the relationship? It happens that a man leaves the family, and two loving hearts finally begin to beat side by side with each other. Let it be rare, even in 10 cases out of a hundred! What if it is you and your loved one who are destined to get into the coveted top ten? ..

Of course, you can take risks. If you are ready:

wait a certain number of years until a man gathers his courage;
diligently adjust your life to the schedule and desires of the chosen one, not being able to demand the same for yourself - after all, he has “circumstances!”;
for the rest of your life to bear the stigma of a homeowner,

- then the relationship can be continued indefinitely. True, you will have to come to terms with the fact that the long-awaited divorce may never happen, while your best years will be missed. And keep in mind the option in which a man, after living with you for a couple of years, will return to the abandoned family. (According to the same harsh statistics, 70% of husbands do just that - after all, everything there has long been known, familiar and accustomed, and you need to start building life together from scratch)/

Seven out of ten husbands return to their wife

Psychologist's view

Relations with a married man are fraught with a number of problems.

First. They initially bear the stamp of something unlawful. Even if you profess the principle “in love, all means are good,” the realization that someone else’s family is falling apart because of you will poison thoughts at least for subconscious level. The proverb about happiness, which is not built on other people's tears, does not exist in vain.

Second. An affair with a married man is doomed to failure in 90% of cases. And deep down, many young ladies give themselves to this report! Therefore, such a passion, in addition to external pleasant moments, brings a lot of disappointments, bitter night thoughts and spiritual wounds.

And finally, the status of a mistress greatly undermines the peace of mind of a woman. She does not go to corporate parties with her chosen one - a man goes there with his wife. Can't introduce him to friends and parents. She does not have clear plans for the future, limiting herself to a blurry “when we are together ...” At the same time, flirting, pleasant courtship from young people, dates - everything that raises women's self-esteem so much - the lady is deprived, as she feels "busy". As a result, it turns out that there is a man and, as it were, not. Relationships are present, but without real emotional return and warmth. There are big doubts about how everything will end ... What kind of female happiness is there?

Remember, in such a relationship, a woman positions herself as busy, and a man as free!

‘When there is so much behind everything, especially grief, don’t wait for someone’s support, get on the train, land by the sea’. Joseph Brodsky

Breaking a long-term bond with a man you truly love is never easy. Want to wait; give yourself and him some more time; believe that something is about to change and your loved one will be with you forever ... Do not deceive yourself. If a man is ready to leave his wife, he does it quickly, if he is not ready, never. Look around! Why did you decide that it was on this person that the white light converged like a wedge? A person who makes you smart, attractive and self-sufficient! to play such a humiliating role? Maybe you should value yourself a little more and look for someone who will not run on dates secretly from his wife, but will surround you with well-deserved care and love and give you a full-fledged family?

Video Guide: The Mistakes of a Woman Lover

Remember the old rule: until you close one door, the second will not open for you. Do not stand on the threshold, longingly clinging to the handle. Take a breath and boldly step forward! Open up to new relationships and new life. Definitely happy.

It happens that a woman starts a relationship with a married man and has certain feelings for him. Sometimes, due to the fact that a man does not immediately admit to marital status. Relations with a lover usually do not continue and lead to parting. There are many reasons for this.

Prerequisites to say goodbye

Reasons for breaking up with a married man you love:

The constant feeling of guilt in front of his wife does not allow starting trifling quarrels, thus, it is futile for a mistress to be in the role of a free psychologist

The constant expectation of a divorce of a married lover is the loss of the opportunity to have a normal relationship with a free guy.
False feeling of "busyness", constant loneliness on holidays, lack of opportunity to "open" your relationship to others, introduce your loved one to parents, friends.
It is difficult to create a real serious relationship with a man who is cheating on his wife. It doesn't matter to him which woman is next to him. If there is a need to acquire a mistress, it will come true in any case. Cherishing the dream of becoming his wife, you should not believe in your uniqueness and expect that betrayal on his part will not happen again.

Secretly meet with a man indefinitely does not work out. A feeling of loneliness and hopelessness will come to replace falling in love, a feeling that life is passing by. Therefore, you should not waste precious time and, as soon as possible, part with the married man you love.

Hope is useless

Expecting a relationship with a lover to move to a new level is almost pointless.

Don't expect a lover to leave his wife - it's a waste of time

It is necessary to face the truth and realize that there are a number of reasons why a married man will not leave his family:

Joint well-established life with his wife, memorabilia, property. Common worries, family problems. The wife knows his habits, shortcomings. The period of "lapping" has already passed. It is unlikely that a man will want to go through it again with another woman. Especially, being in the status of a father, he has certain obligations to his children. Naturally, the man loves them very much and does not dare to leave.
Men are naturally polygamous. Relationships "on the side" help to gain self-confidence and evidence of one's own strength and attractiveness. Starting a secret relationship, a man expects that his mistress will remain with her, because he already has a wife.
It is unlikely that a man will want to destroy one family in order to create another. He understands that later he will have to provide for two families at once and be more responsible.
For many, family is a reputation. A man is unlikely to want to spoil her with a divorce, especially if he occupies a good position, because most people condemn treason and believe that marriage should be concluded for life.
The reason may be love for his wife, incomparable with a fleeting passion. The spouses have already got used to each other, are connected by a mass of pleasant memories, important events. Each of them will carry this particular experience and spiritual baggage through their whole lives.

Whatever the reasons may be, it is necessary to part with a married man whom you love.

Psychologist's view

Experts are sure that the emergence of a relationship with a family man occurs in women who have experienced disappointment in love. More often married lovers give birth to persons with low self-esteem, abandoned, tired of serious relationships. Usually their behavior is controlled by the fear of loneliness, the desire to add spice to life, to dilute the routine.

There are several main motives why free girls meet married lovers:

Such relationships lead nowhere and with a married man whom you love, you must part. How to do this, it is better to ask a psychologist.

About how to part with a married man you love, correctly and painlessly, experts say:

The process can drag on for a long time, it will bring a lot of pain, anxiety, mental anguish, if you do not cut off all contacts with your lover

If a woman looked “at 100” at meetings with her lover, you should be yourself before breaking off relations: make it a rule to come on a date without bright makeup, perfect styling and dress modestly. Perhaps the everyday look will repel a lover.
If a man does not want to hear about a breakup, fills up with promises, insists on meetings, The best way push him away - change beyond recognition: become indifferent, capricious, rude, dissatisfied, constantly reschedule dates, demand expensive gifts, make a scandal, make a showdown out of romantic meetings, bother with calls, jealousy.

Carefully! His wife should not find out about the existence of another woman from her husband, otherwise it is easy to be extreme in this situation and bring on more unpleasant consequences. There are many ways to become problematic and uninteresting for a man. The main thing is not to be afraid to experiment, because this will help save your future.

Terminating the relationship it is necessary to get rid of all contacts former man, SMS messages, email, delete from social networks, blacklist. You need to cut the person out of your life completely.. If it's a colleague or neighbor, it's best to look for more drastic measures, such as quitting and/or moving to another city.
In order not to remember the former and not to cry on every occasion, it is urgent to get rid of all the things that may remind of him (gifts, postcards, souvenirs, photographs).

How to deal with shock

Breaking up with a married man you really love is difficult emotionally. In order not to aggravate Bad mood and recover from the experience, you must adhere to the basic rules:

Surely luck will soon smile and help you find the man of your dreams, if you are constantly in this search!

With these tips, it's easy to get started new life and make sure that it can be much brighter and more interesting.

Many women believe that it is not easy to somehow part with the married man you love. Especially those who have been dating this person for a long time and cannot imagine life without him. However, a woman - the keeper of the hearth, must necessarily be the only, beloved, respected wife and happy mother.

How to end a relationship with a married man will tell you this video:

In this video, you will learn from a qualified psychologist about the problem of "not free" relationships:

What to do, what to do and does it make sense to be active towards a married man or not? You can see all this in this video: